By now you probably figured out that I write mostly when my heart is heavy. And it is. There are many things that pile up that make even breathing too hard to bear. “Normal” people cannot understand it, and for good reason. I don’t judge them for it, because it is what it is, even …
Category: Blog
Feb 10
Be-Reaved
It had not occurred to me that the meaning of bereaved was literally “torn apart.” That is exactly what happens to you during grief of any sort. While I have to admit to myself that losing a child must be the absolute worst, I also know that grief is relative to the situation and the …
Feb 03
Perspective – Where do I start?
Funny, as I was logging in I thought my first words would be “Where do I start?” Then as soon as I saw the Dashboard, I saw a draft from January 8 that says “Where do I start?” for the first words. Wow. Am I stuck in a loop? So let me start with my …
Jan 27
Matters of the Heart
Again, it has been several days since I last wrote. I am finding it harder and harder to speak about my feelings lately, and I’m unsure why. By the way, I just wrote “lastly” instead of lately, so I need to pay attention to that. I looked it up, the nerdy person that I am, …
Jan 21
The Age of Suffering
I haven’t written in a few days, and this time not because I am busy. I have become extremely depressed again. I have what I assume is PTSD, because I have vivid images and “movies” that play in my mind of Erin laying in the ICU, dying, the short time before she was unconscious, the …
Jan 18
Looks are Deceiving
I have been thinking lately about how everyone thinks I am so strong. They have no idea the strength it takes just to be alive every day. But they also have no idea how weak I am. For instance, although I am personally against the idea, I would sell my very soul in a heartbeat …
Jan 16
Into the Weird
I find that in the past few days, as I have been busy with work and other things, I have blocked my grief out as much as I possibly can. I both like and do not like how that makes me feel. Getting immersed in other people’s stuff makes me forget my own. But then …
Jan 15
Hard Days Night
I wanted to post yesterday but I have been extremely busy. I started coming back into “the office” to assist with a contract transition and close out, and will be here for awhile most every day. It has been a nice distraction because “work me” smiles and chats and tries to uplift my staff. It’s …
Jan 11
The Value of Peeling the Onion
Before I write, I asked for clarity on my topic and pulled Indecision: I use my intuition in all aspects of life. That is a good reminder, because my topic came about after a rash of second guessing myself yesterday in regards to some advice and a conversation I had while having dinner with a …
Jan 08
Fear, or What the Heck?!
I posted something earlier on Facebook attributed to Nelson Mandela that said “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” It has a few more lines that reiterate that, and I’m not sure why that is so important to focus on but it occurred to me to reexamine it now. I …