Nicole
Author's posts
Oct 03
More on the Journey
It looks like I am going to have to work on the “Erin” specific site when I am thinking “Hey, I feel like working on this.” Because the tide turns so quickly with my emotional state that I am left bewildered and without motivation. I actually felt fairly good yesterday when I wrote, only to …
Oct 02
New Energies
Ah! So I didn’t post anything yesterday. I honestly got started, then I forgot. I had some distractions and I guess it kept me from breaking down too much. Here is what I had started, and then got sad and stopped writing. Some days it is hard for me to really believe that Erin is …
Sep 30
To Admit, or Not to Admit
There are some things about this loss that I have yet to admit, even to myself. I can feel them in there, waiting behind a curtain or something, but they just don’t come to the surface. Sometimes it’s like I have an agreement like “I can’t look at that right now, please don’t show yourself.” …
Sep 29
Some of Her Last Artwork
Erin did these pieces while she was in the hospital. I’ll put explanations next to each of them. This was painted on July 17, 2017 while she was waiting on Dr. Polly Ferguson to finish up with us at the University of Iowa Children’s Hospital. It’s really …
Sep 29
Morning Thoughts
Saturday, I began berating myself for what I should have done in regards to figuring out Erin’s illness. I know that should is a bad word. My therapist sort of put it into context saying “Don’t “should” all over yourself.” You get the picture. But there are at least things I would like to have …
Sep 28
Same Old
It seems I am back to sadness this morning. Well it started last night, when I realized that I was frantically going over every piece of Erin’s illness trying to figure out what I missed and when I missed it. There was no stopping that. It lasted until I went to bed even though I …
Sep 27
Clouds in My Coffee
Having a moment of clarity this morning, I read Lisa Gawlas’ most recent blog article and I got it quite strongly and clearly. The article, linked here, talks about sitting on the fence and basically how the universe (source, god, insert your word here) sometimes comes to points where it will propel you one way …
Sep 26
Just Thoughts
No title yet today as I begin writing. I just know I need to get it all out now. Whatever “it” is, I’m not sure, but so far it has flowed out some with tears and I can feel the energy inside of me building up. I am frustrated that it never fails that I …
Sep 25
Still a Mommy
After such a different day yesterday – yes, I am reluctant to say better because that isn’t entirely accurate – after such a different day, Shaun and I decided to grab a bite to eat last night. We went to Tortora’s at Hampton Cove. As a family, we have always loved Tortora’s. Erin loved it. …
Sep 24
Boldly Going
I’m cautiously optimistic this morning. Yes, I still woke up with a clinched up heart chakra and somewhat of a rolling in my stomach, but I am sort of OK. Now that sounds pretty pitiful doesn’t it! The fact that I am pleased with being “sort of OK.” Well that is what it has come …