Getting ready to travel to my relatives home for the big game, but I’m a little sad this morning. I was a lot sad last night. I don’t fault Shaun for going to visit friends, so don’t take this that way, but when I am alone at night I seem to fall apart. Around 10pm …
Category: Blog
Oct 09
Schisms of Self
I am really not sure how I am feeling today. I feel that I am on the edge of a cliff of emotion, losing my grip and ready to fall right off into an abyss. I am avoiding Erin’s pictures, and all remembrances of her for the most part. I woke during the night longing …
Oct 08
Used To
I planned out today’s title as I was either trying to go to sleep, or at 5:30 this morning as I was trying to go back to sleep. I no longer remember which it was. First, let me bore you with a little grammar… A) Something that happened regularly in the past but no longer …
Oct 06
“Never” Moments
Wow, this guy is good. Kelly Farley, while writing from a father’s perspective for other grieving fathers, is singing the same song that I am. His latest blog entry “Reality Check” discusses moments that he realizes will never happen for him with his own kids. They will never get married, never go to homecoming (Yes, …
Oct 04
“Messed Up Inside”
Last night I read a brilliant post from a grieving father posted on FaceBook called “Messed Up Inside” by Kelly Farley. Please take the time to read the article. It so accurately expressed some of what I was feeling, and how you dread others asking you if you have any children. But mostly, how you …
Oct 03
More on the Journey
It looks like I am going to have to work on the “Erin” specific site when I am thinking “Hey, I feel like working on this.” Because the tide turns so quickly with my emotional state that I am left bewildered and without motivation. I actually felt fairly good yesterday when I wrote, only to …
Oct 02
New Energies
Ah! So I didn’t post anything yesterday. I honestly got started, then I forgot. I had some distractions and I guess it kept me from breaking down too much. Here is what I had started, and then got sad and stopped writing. Some days it is hard for me to really believe that Erin is …
Sep 30
To Admit, or Not to Admit
There are some things about this loss that I have yet to admit, even to myself. I can feel them in there, waiting behind a curtain or something, but they just don’t come to the surface. Sometimes it’s like I have an agreement like “I can’t look at that right now, please don’t show yourself.” …
Sep 29
Morning Thoughts
Saturday, I began berating myself for what I should have done in regards to figuring out Erin’s illness. I know that should is a bad word. My therapist sort of put it into context saying “Don’t “should” all over yourself.” You get the picture. But there are at least things I would like to have …
Sep 28
Same Old
It seems I am back to sadness this morning. Well it started last night, when I realized that I was frantically going over every piece of Erin’s illness trying to figure out what I missed and when I missed it. There was no stopping that. It lasted until I went to bed even though I …