I’ve actually been musing for several days. So here goes…
I hope that you all had a lovely holiday with your family. I am very adamant about saying holiday as I don’t know what you specifically celebrate. My former celebrations were quite eclectic as time went on and in all honesty, Christmas was always about Santa than anything else anyway. My point is I would rather include all of you in my well-wishes and I wish that others felt the same. I have said before that the idea of political correctness seems to be an attempt to just get people to act nicely to one another. If there wasn’t a need to bring to our attention that we were being assholes, it never would have arisen. But I’ve digressed because I could care less about being politically correct. I just try to be nice.
I have no idea why I just told you that. It wasn’t planned.
Shaun and I are going through some individual and joint changes so to speak. It’s interesting to note that historically, he has focused on the body (physical fitness/health) while I have focused on the mental and emotional bodies (mind/spirit). We are both being shown the importance of nurturing and nourishing the triad and how one affects all three. I am excited that we not only saw the “messages” coming forth, but both decided to act on them. This may be the first time in my life that my partner (any of them) and I were on the same sort of path. I am excited about supporting him and about having his support.
I also have no idea why I told you that either. LOL It must be a trend.
I met up with an old friend on Tuesday. I haven’t seen her in 5 years. The last time we were supposed to meet, I stood her up for lunch and never provided her an explanation why. It was the year my mother had to move in with us. It was stressful, and as you know our whole lives descended into shit after that for multiple reasons. I finally emailed her earlier this year to apologize and give her a brief synopsis of what was going on, and we finally got together.
My friend and I are not very close but we have a bond in that we met each other years ago and at the time, were one of a few on the same type of spiritual path. I actually met her at a New Life Expo that I attended with a former mentor in Ft. Lauderdale, FL and then knew her online after that. I also knew her husband online before he was her husband, and then his job brought them to Huntsville. We tried to get together but it was around the time my mother’s last husband died, and she lived with us for awhile and was, as you know, an alcoholic. So we didn’t get to hang out much. Probably my fault – I was embarrass to a great degree and it was also stressful.
I have no idea why that is important but it seemed relevant to my story so there you have it. It was so refreshing to just talk about whatever came to mind, and know she would understand what I mean with no judgment. She mentioned something similar. Most of us non-traditional folk would just like for you to suspend judgment and consider that maybe you don’t know all there is to know about (insert subject here). That’s not meant in anger. It’s just a fact of life that we live on a daily basis due to having non-mainstream beliefs and ideas.
So we talked for over 2 hours and she asked me some questions about my experiences the past few years that no one else has asked. I appreciated that and it was also interesting to me to ponder those and try to provide an answer. I had teary eyes at times but it was a very comfortable experience.
Now I’m giving you my perspective from a few days of pondering this. That night, I had a dream and I had replaced my face with a hard plastic, purple mask. The mask looked just like my fact TO YOU. But I saw what it really looked and felt like. And when I realized that I had done this, and done it willingly, I was horrified! The rest of the short dream was spent agonizing over how to restore my true face, recreate it, or whatever.
I had no idea what the F when I woke up, but I realized that my subconscious was telling me to stop being two people. It’s time to stop “replacing my face” to make other people comfortable, because I don’t want to be ridiculed, etc. I think there is probably more to it, but at least I got the main message. Since I did not realize that I was still inauthentic, I am not sure how to go about making the right changes but I guess it starts with just being me. I’m tired of worrying if I will offend you, if you will judge me, etc. And I had no idea what a burden it was.
Please keep in mind that when I am saying that I worry if I will offend you and plan to stop, I do not mean in any way that I plan to be offensive in my words or deeds, or treat you badly. What I mean is that I need to be ok with being honest with things like telling people I am not religious or a Christian, which is hard in the geographical area that I live. Even writing that was hard – are you judging me? Some of you probably are. I am not telling you what to be – that’s your decision and business and I bless you on your journey. But if I’m being honest I am going to be wondering who no longer likes me due to my personal beliefs that I just voiced.
And with that fear, my flow is gone. So I guess it’s time to end. See what fear does? It’s ugly and I’m disappointed in myself but it’s a great learning experience that I need to go process.
I love you and wish you many blessings. #missingerin <3