I had a bittersweet day yesterday at my paternal uncle Therrell Hunt’s funeral. I wrote about it the other day, that I had not visited in a long time. It wasn’t as “bad” as I thought, but it was a little uncomfortable here and there as well-meaning people asked “Do you have any children?” and “Where is your daughter?” The first type of question came from people I see once in a blue moon, who were my dad’s age. The second from people I see basically at funerals. They didn’t know any better of course, but I had to confront reality each time. Once I answered “No, I don’t have any children. It’s just me and my husband.” I just didn’t want to go into it, but felt like I was betraying Erin by saying that. Damned if I do or don’t.
For my trip, I bought an audio copy of Witch by Lisa Lister. I also have the “regular” book and just got too busy to finish it. This book is a mixture of rediscovering ancient traditions and also celebrating the divine feminine in all of us. It urges us to “wake the witch.” Did you know that once, long ago, the word witch was a term that described wise women, sages, and healers? Sometime after patriarchy was firmly in place, they demonized the word and strong women. This is not new to me. I did my oral exam for my Master’s degree on misogyny in literature and I’m well-aware of the ages old campaign against the feminine. Anyway, I am loving that book and loving Lisa Lister. #WakeTheWitches
As I drove, and listened to the book, and got lost in my thoughts, I also mulled over all of the truth coming out. The ugly truth. We all say we want the truth, but when it’s ugly, we say oh they must be lying. That can’t be true. Not about that person. (Ugly truth is ok if we dislike the person right? You get where I’m going with that.)
So we have this tidal wave of sexual allegations coming out. Not just that someone had sex, or cheated on their spouse. I mean, who cares really. I care about myself and my own spouse, and what someone else is doing is not relevant to my life. But these allegations are about the use of sex and power as violence against another. Mostly against women, although I acknowledge that men can be affected too. And against children. That’s the ugliest of the ugly.
If you don’t believe a 14, 15, 16, etc. year old person is a child, then I ask you if you have children. And then I’m gonna ask you if an adult man is pursuing or otherwise interacting with your daughter how you’re gonna feel. I know how I feel about it, and I bet we’ll be chasing him down with a pitchfork together no matter what you say right now.
I have mixed feelings about 20 to mid-20 year olds. They are still children too, not physically but mentally. I know I didn’t use good judgment when I was that age. But that’s another topic for discussion on many levels.
Still, I’m glad that light is shining on this ugliness. Fence-sitters can no longer say they didn’t know, or anything else. They have to get off the fence. If you are silent, you are complicit. I also have a theory about just why Donald Trump was elected President. I mean in the grand scheme of things. He has opened a Pandora’s Box of ugliness. He has legitimized hate and hate speech, he is a sexual predator himself, he is unfriendly to women, minorities, he has rolled back environmental protections and things that help the lower and middle class. But really what he is doing is putting this ugliness IN OUR FACE. So I wonder just how long we can collectively look at it and continue to adapt. I hope we say nope, not adapting to that. That’s wrong. That’s unkind and unloving, and we will not stand for it.
Of course, not everyone has a kind and loving heart or the capacity for it. That’s also another conversation, but I know some people will not get on the Love Train. But I also know that train is waiting for as many people to board as possible. I hope it doesn’t get stuck at the station waiting.
As I was writing this today, I got a notification that Jim Nabors has died. You know – Gomer Pyle, USMC. I loved Gomer and loved Jim Nabors and for those of you who don’t know it, he was from Sylacauga, AL. I’ve driven through there countless times on my way to Auburn on Hwy 280. Sort of makes me sad…sadder.
I guess it’s fitting to mention that those people that we liked so well, that gave us so much joy in whatever way, those that may have fallen from a pedestal now…it’s ok to still like their work. It’s ok to value the joy you got from them before. It’s also ok to say “Hey, that behavior is not ok. You need to make amends. We insist that you make amends, and we will not cut you any slack.” And then grieve the loss of the icon that you once held so dear. It’s ok.
In love, and with blessings, and #missingerin <3