I was going to post Erin’s last Halloween picture, but I couldn’t find it easily and gave up. This picture is from a 2014 A New Leash on Life FaceBook post, and includes a bunch of decorations that we donated. We only kept the things that were near and dear to us and to her.
It was terribly dismaying this morning when I woke up and saw the date. I wasn’t prepared for the sadness that it would bring, and no matter how much I move “forward” I am still stuck in unimaginable grief. It’s even unimaginable to me if you can believe that. Completely unreal and confusing.
It just occurred to me that her Halloween photo is probably on MissingErin.net but I just can’t open it up and look. Feel free to go browse for Clawdine Wolf (Monster High). I hope I got her name right. It’s been 4 Halloweens ago now…
As Erin got older I started educating her about the ancient roots of many things, Halloween being one of them. Most people – ok, many people – don’t know that Halloween was originally Samhain, which is pronounced saah-win or saa-ween (it’s Irish Gaelic). Samhain is thousands of years old and you can go read about it here. When Christianity moved into an area, they typically appropriated the local customs and holiday’s into their construct. It was the easiest way to recruit the natives and so where we once had Samhain, now we have Halloween.
This happens a lot and by this I mean people taking over ancient customs or symbolism and making them their own. Sometimes it has a positive result and intent and sometimes not. A current example of “not” is a white supremist group changing their symbol from a Nazi swastika to an Elder Futhark Rune. I believe they are using Othala, which translates to ancestral property. Also note that I mentioned the Nazi swastika and not just swastika. The swastika is an ancient symbol (like 12,000 years old!) that was perverted by the Nazi’s. You can read more about the original swastika here.
I’m also reading a fabulous book entitled Witch – Unleashed. Untamed. Unapologetic. by Lisa Lister. It talks about the original meaning of the word witch, which was basically wise woman. They were healers, sages, mothers, leaders and so much more. Then at some point in the patriarchy, women became dangerous and were blamed for every bad thing imaginable. Did you know that 13000 women were killed during the totality of the “witch trials?” Neither did I. That was the lynch pin for women to become subservient to men and fit in a box of what men thought they should be like, do, and look like. Oh, I also didn’t know that the word virgin originally meant a woman who was unowned by a husband. Basically a woman in her own power. Oh, and yeah, if you didn’t know marriage was a ceremony to transfer ownership of you, it’s time you did some reading.
That was a huge paraphrase but it’s an excellent book. Don’t let the word witch put you off. Reclaim the word. In fact, let’s reclaim everything that’s been perverted, subjugated, enslaved, etc. and so forth.
Everything that I am now, I have had to reclaim. I could have laid down and died when Erin’s body did, but I chose instead to soldier on to a better version of me and I’m taking the world with me to meet her in the higher realms. I know you can make the journey too, if you choose to.
Much love and please send me some. I will need it as we hide from trick-or-treater’s tonight. It makes us sad 🙁