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Jul 31

Musings for 7/31/2017 and Mexico Trip!

Nohoch Mul, Coba

Hola peeps! Hehe, I said that so much last week I am still in Mexico mode. I think it’s nice to speak the language of where you are visiting when you can. It’s respectful, and considering that most of the world took it upon them to learn English, I try to reciprocate the courtesy.

I should have written sooner but had foggy brain after coming back. I was asked several times about the energies of the ruins and such, and the truth was I was in such a hurry while I was there that I didn’t have time to savor or even attempt to feel it. But now I can tell you and will do so with a short story. I climbed to the top of Nohoch Mul, pictured over there <<<. Consider that when we found out how little time we had, in this site of over 70 square miles, we immediately rented bicycles to ride to it. It was probably around 2 miles to the pyramid from where we rented the bikes. I have not done strenuous exercise since last November due to my adrenal fatigue, and anyway when I try my muscles fatigue very quickly. But we literally raced on those bikes, on bumpy gravel roads, to this pyramid. Then we very quickly climbed 130 steps (about 130 feet) because we couldn’t miss our bus. I was in the zone until I reached the top and then very promptly got bitten by an ant on my underarm! I think it hitched a ride on the way up. I rested approximately 3 minutes before climbing down and then biking back and quickly walking to the bus area.

All of that said, also keep in mind that bending over and pulling weeds for about 10 minutes the day before I left for the trip had the backs of my poor legs aching for a day or so.

I expected to return to the hotel that evening completely exhausted due to overtaxing my adrenal glands. It could have set me back on the months I have spent healing my body. But oddly enough, I had no muscle pain, and I had no enduring fatigue. And looking back, I was in “my flow” the entire trip. I felt good and I only got slightly red one day. You all know how fair I am…I didn’t wear sunscreen except in the morning the day of the pyramid trip and didn’t even get red. Oh, and no bug bites except that one when I was out of whack. So I would say that the energies were fabulous upon fabulous.

On top of that, Coba felt like a home away from home. I am sure I was there in another time and while I felt I have visited Tulum before (called Zama apparently though we call it Tulum), I felt I spent more time in Coba and honestly would have been fine walking around the jungle. I felt wonderfully at ease there and highly recommend it. I made my pictures public – hope it works so click here to see them.

I have also been desperately trying to ignore it, but I’m in the season of doom and gloom again. Two weeks from tomorrow is Erin’s angelversary, and truly she was the only thing missing from our wonderful vacation. I know that many people probably think that we don’t think of her every second of the day but we do, and that’s nearly literally true. Sometimes I get careless and say out loud “I miss you Erin” or “I love you Erin” when I’m in a bathroom stall, or somewhere else that I am semi-private and forget others are close. I wonder if they hear me? Even though I have shared it publicly, my grief is a private thing in many ways. When people say they are sorry, I almost completely ignore it these days because to acknowledge it would open up the flood gate for tears that I only let loose these days when I can no longer hold them in. I do you a disservice, and me one, when I do that, but much of my behavior is survival based and so I mean no disrespect. I bear an unbearable burden, and I dig myself out of a hole each day, starting with when I open my eyes.

Basically, I am #missingerin in everything I do, and Shaun too. Some days I have a lot of avoidance to stay afloat. It’s just one of those things. It doesn’t matter that I believe with all of my heart that I will see her soon. She’s not here now. It’s hard to deal with that.

There were previously so many things I wanted to say today but they are all gone from my flow now. I will try again tomorrow.

Love and blessings, Namaste, and #missingerin <3

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