May 05

Musings for 5/5/2017

So this week I’m having a physical crisis I guess. The root cause, other than whatever went on pre-3 years ago, is 3+ years of intense stress and anxiety. When you are pumping cortisol and adrenaline most of every day, the wear and tear on your body is enormous. I have repeatedly said that I didn’t want to suffer, but I have been suffering just to be out of bed each day. It sort of added insult to injury.

One of the things I know, even if I’m not happy about it, is that I have to fulfill my destiny, if you will, before I can be released from this daily hell that I call my life. And to do that, I have to use this physical vehicle (body). So I sort of need to keep it in good working order. I suppose a bonus would be actually feeling good so that there are no restrictions on activity. Right now, I am pretty well restricted to short bursts of energy but mostly being so tired that I feel drugged and am struggling to be coherent.

For the last 2+ months I have had severely chapped lips, complete with cracked corners. I’ve been exceedingly tired and at times obsessive over odd things. If Shaun is reading this he’s probably scratching his head on the obsessive thing…I try to not to publicize it when I realize I’m being irrational LOL. I’m gaining more weight around my mid-section in the form of fat. And even though I’m tired, sleeping is difficult as is staying asleep.

Before Erin ever became ill, I had what is called adrenal fatigue. Western medicine does not recognize adrenal fatigue, and even most specialists treating adrenal failure fail to look at the wholistic point of view. Our body is an ecosystem of sorts and the different organs and glands and what not work together. It’s important to look at the root cause.

Also, from a holistic perspective, the body will only present so many symptoms at one time. If you had any idea of the amount of stuff going on and going wrong in your body right now, you would understand why the body could be overwhelmed if it allowed something to surface that it wasn’t prepared to fight. Sometimes it just gets beaten down and can no longer suppress whatever it is. Sometimes, it has actually gotten healthier and says “Ok, we can fight this now! Let it out of the cage!”

As we would say in the south, I’m currently eaten up with fungus, or should I say fungi? I’ve even got some strep strains and varicella (chicken pox virus). But my body’s desire for iron and my adrenal support did not go up, so my guess is that I fall into the latter category where I got better and it unleashed some more beasts. Either way it still feels shitty and I’m nearly incapacitated.

I was able to get my May 16th doctor’s appointment with my Naturopath moved up to yesterday morning, and she also started me on a weekly regimen of hydrogen peroxide therapy. It’s called Bio-Oxidative therapy to be exact, but google it and you’ll find it’s fascinating. I was wiped out most of yesterday after having the first dose but feel better today. I’m actually a little tired right now but I think I got emotionally wiped after being on FaceBook. Why I find a need to read the hateful and fearful reactions of others I have no idea. I really should stop because A) I want no part of it and B) it’s not my drama. I do, however, feel strongly that we should be taking care of people instead of abandoning them. After everything that has happened in my life, I will never be accused of being uncaring. I know some people don’t want to do anything if it doesn’t benefit them but hey folks, you too will need help some day. And against my better judgment I would give it to you because it’s the right thing to do, but I will not forget your poor character.

If this world ever needed more love it’s right here and right now. Despite my sorrow, and perhaps because of it, I’ve got enough for me and you and perhaps all of us. So if you feel unloved, know that I love you. Someone cares. I care. There are others who care. You aren’t alone.

Namaste, and #missingerin <3


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  1. I do know that reptile and dark dragon/dinosaur feed particularly on adrenaline and if they can find a way to get your system pumping it out, they really really like that. google: loosh
    anyway, I thought you might check yourself over from head to toe with your guides and see if you have any loosh-feeder beings that are stressing out your adrenaline system/nadi-point system. they reeeally like to do it, especially with someone who has any familiarity with high level dragons, and I know that you do so you might want to lay down and have an intensive scan. since I am ashtar command ground crew I often have to lay down in bed and close my eyes and have these scans done and have a lot of work on me. they pull out implants designed to enhance loosh(emotion) production and adrenaline overload and things related to this. anyway, hope this helps.

    1. Unfortunately, my problems are all a result of nearly 3 years of deep grief. I do clear myself regularly, just to make sure, but I wake up daily and dig myself out of a constant emotional hole. I have found, Jason, that no spiritual, religious, self-help or even professional help program, or new age materials address grief. People expect you to get over it, but how could I possibly do that…statement not a question. Anyway, it keeps my stress mechanisms going on a near-constant basis regardless of what my inner Observer thinks. I am suffering, and so I know how many other people out there are also suffering. I am sure we are a feast 🙁

      1. have you ever specified exactly or named exactly a point on a “pin hole” on the grief? in otherwords, is it namable- is it over the child in your family that died, or loved ones before then, etc.. or is it just mysterious unnamable grief?? I guess if it was the latter well then you would have to give it a name and a face to be able to do anything about it. I had a schizo break at age 19 and I am 36… there were things I couldn’t even come close to facing until I named them and gave them a shape… otherwise it would just run on automatic like a vacuum cleaner. I had to give the stuff a name and then come up with a battle plan to “deal” with it!!

        1. Jason, yes, her name is Erin. I never had anxiety, depression, or anything of that sort until her last moment with me. I have had 5 family members, 4 immediate, die within 2.5 years and I was there with 4 of them, but none affected me like missing my Erin. I can’t bear to retell the story, but you can find it on . She was my only child and was 10 years old when I last saw her. #missingerin <3

    • MacTZorb on May 8, 2017 at 7:47 am
    • Reply

    Ok…….from what I and many others are grokking Gaia is ascending and a bifurcation is taking place Earth 3d absorbs the lower Astral and remains almost the same but 99 % without Terra Nova 5d which takes the higher Astral with her to a “new” World in which you Wingmaker Will 100 % find Erin again providing you raise your consciousness as that is the key that unlocks the door Nis………as hard as it is you must process and understand the grief you are going through…..a difficult almost impossible task that you shall do….of this I have no doubt because down deep you knew before incarnating that this was going to happen…… to physical ailments……you are a member of the Order of the Emerald Star…….a healing group extraordinare that Iam asking you to remember and more important access as you have the ability you really do to heal yourself with their help…. I and many others love you and NEVER will let you go.

    1. You put into words what I know, thank you. I honestly don’t know how to do either, but I will keep trying, looking, asking for help.

        • MacTZorb on May 11, 2017 at 8:13 am
        • Reply

        Bear in mind that the grief you are experiencing is being compounded geometrically as you are processing this emotion for Gaia who is clearing herself to lighten the load to make it easier for her to ascend…… are literally clearing the karma of the World.

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