Apr 20

Musings for 4/20/2017

I just had a revelation but I’m not quite sure what to make of it. I had someone look at my house last night. We got a call out of the blue a week ago from a neighbor / real estate agent who had a client that wanted to see our home. We had just decided to stay – again – but we decided on Friday to entertain this flow of events. So the guy came and looked, and it may be too small for his large family who needs a lot of storage (really? It’s like 4200 sq ft or so). It wasn’t a definite no though. And hey, it’s not even on the market so it’s a very vague, hard to grab hold of situation.

I was sitting here listening to a YouTube that talked about healing things related to the mother energy, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have repeatedly asked to be settled and have a sanctuary, and here I am years later still up in the air. And I suddenly said to the Universe – Enough! No more! I found the above graphic for emphasis Universe! What more do I need to do?

I have been learning to go with the flow. Actually, I already knew that if the flow wasn’t there then nothing was going to be “going” with any “flowing” and I get that. But at what point do we say Enough already! I honestly don’t know, and as I say that, now I have a somewhat better understanding but not a complete one.

As I understand it, the factors at play here are:

The Flow – that’s what I call the natural order, natural way that things move. Our lives do have choice points, but they move along a flow of universal energy that gets us to where we need to go. You can put any label you want on it and it remains the same. Abraham describes it as doing what feels good or excites you. The assumption is that it will not be harmful to others.

Free Will – we do have free will that we exercise on a constant basis, and it’s up to us to make a choice. Do I brush my teeth first thing in the morning or wait until after I eat? Does it matter? It might if I have to leave the house early, or maybe I don’t care about that possibility. Maybe I go with what feels good (the flow but also my free will choice) and later I end up in a car accident that I would have missed if only I had brushed my teeth earlier.

Fear – expanding on the above example, maybe I’m so afraid that my choices will land me in an unpleasant spot that I cease to leave my home. As Rush so aptly puts it “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.” But nevertheless, it renders you stagnant and the possibility for growth and change diminishes. Did you forfeit what you came here to experience? Rhetorical question of course.

So what’s a gal to do here? I’m tired dammit, and I say enough already. I built my sanctuary, which has become not only my prison but my own personal torture chamber. And then I tried to move on but you cut the flow off folks. And then just when I get a level of comfort, BAM! Not just a faster flow but a space of uncertainty. THAT’S my objection! Hey, at least I got that far.

I suspect this is just another symptom of my need to control. But do you see that my need for control stems from this constant state of upheaval? I have really endured this my entire life here. Complained about it yes, but ENDURED. Don’t I get something for that? Am I supposed to feel gratitude and joy for it? Because I don’t. It’s been a blessing but mostly a curse. I’m flexible yeah, but I’m also miserable.

I know, it’s the journey that’s important. Just show me the sign at the fork in the road and I’ll be on my way. No rest for the weary, or wicked, or whatever that song is.

Namaste and Blessings <3 #missingerin <3

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