Sep 09

Musings for 9/9/2016

What an exciting week! I hope everyone enjoyed all of the rocket and space sharings on FaceBook. Thank you for indulging my nerdiness and letting me share it with you. Several years ago I had the pleasure of taking a tour of the shuttle Atlantis before it was ready for it’s last voyage. I have supported NASA either directly or indirectly for the last 12 years and I have really just been very lucky, and been in the right place at the right time with the right people, to be able to see these behind the scenes things like the shuttle and the VAB (Vertical Assembly Building). Yes, I do believe in the Secret Space Program (for whoever wonders) but that in no way diminishes my love for NASA and those who participate in the agency. When you support something and know the people, it instills a pride in you that otherwise you can’t imagine.

I’m also a life-long Star Trek fan, and the OSIRIS-REx/Atlas V just happened to launch on the 50th anniversary. I was lucky to meet the mission manager, and asked him if he planned that after he shared he too was a Star Trek fan. No, wasn’t planned (or was it? LOL!) but still a very neat synchronicity.

Now most of you know that I have been trying to find a pathway to Joy, and I’ve written about it a lot lately. I realized on Monday when I flew down here that it was a key component in changing my reality. I say that – I realized and FELT it in a way that had previously not understood. I was able to make that work for me on the plane. I usually hate plane rides but this one was different. I made sure to en-Joy myself all week in fact. It’s amazing how the energy changes and things just go your way when you are acting and reacting with Love. Instant joy.

Ah, but it has been a struggle. This is the second time I have come to Orlando without Erin. There are a lot of tourists here – families – and that is very hard for me. I can barely look their way, or towards anything Disney. The beach is hard as well. Hell, vacations, hotel rooms, etc. Those are things we did as a family and now, we are missing someone very much. It really dampens any attempt to feel good.

I still wonder…how do I get to Joy when I am so sad? I have let go of trying to understand it and am just doing what I am guided to do. There is nothing else that I can do. My human mind cannot control this situation, nor can it find the solution. I did FEEL this afternoon how strong the belief is in where my path will lead me. So that is progress, but the missing Erin and sadness is still very strong. I woke up one morning in a panic again, knowing she is gone. Not here. It took half a day to get over that. And I do it silently. Shaun has the same struggles, you know, so I don’t want to help him to feel worse than he already does. I feel strongly about that. He and I have different tools to deal, and I will handle mine and be available to help him handle his.

Now without the distractions, it’s hard being here in Orlando. Memories pop up out of nowhere and everywhere. So I’m ready to come home. We have an open house on Sunday. I am looking forward to selling our home and putting that part behind us. That’s another entire ball of sadness that I will try to express at a later time.

We have a long day of travel tomorrow, as our travel plans got changed somewhat. Let’s hope I can press on with the power of high vibrational, positive thinking and think my reality just like Abraham’s teachings. One day at a time.

Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

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