Oh boy am I depressed. I hate to admit it, mostly to myself, because it feels so damn bad and I don’t want to have to face facts that I feel this shitty. Two years ago we had a lovely July 4th, watched fireworks with Erin and friends at the Hampton House and it was a lot of fun. I remember I had a beer and she spanked my bottom. Mommy didn’t drink around Erin because my mother was a drunk and I never appreciated it to say the least. Anyway, I told her I was only having one or two if that was ok with her. Barely a month later and she was in ICU dying. Who knew 🙁
We did run into an old friend on Sunday while visiting the Elks Lodge. That was nice and uplifting. I gave her my message of Love and it made me feel good to pass that on. Love is really a cure all you know? Ah, but when you don’t feel much self love the feeling doesn’t last. By any standard I have a lot to be in gratitude for, but I’ve got that wound that won’t heal. So it’s pain and suffering, no matter what I do.
I wondered when i started writing why I continue to share this with you all. The only answer I could come up with is that those of you who have no context, well, know that it doesn’t end and to be kind to your grieving friends. We can’t just feel better. It doesn’t work that way. I know I’ve said it before but here I am saying it again. It’s a life sentence in the worst prison imaginable.
News and social media isn’t very uplifting either, really. Murders, wars, politics, finger pointing, my god is better than yours, you are bad, those people over there are bad, blah blah, fear of economic collapse, the list goes on those are just what came to mind. Do you know how much time and energy we as a collective spend on anger and fear? Shit tons. There is no unity. I’m not even sure what unity looks like to be honest. The EU isn’t unity, and the US isn’t unity either. We say we celebrate differences but we don’t, we shun them and bully them out of the general population.
It occurs to me that realism is depressing. Guess that’s why most people live in a fantasy land of whatever it is that floats their boat while they overlook what’s really going on. That’s ok if that’s the best you can do. I get it. I do the best I can each day to survive just like you. Today I am barely doing it. Tomorrow, might be better.
Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3