Ok, so I’ve been musing privately for several days again, LOL. Really, I lay in bed at times and write a short blog in my head. Or a reply to an email or text. So if you sent me something and I didn’t reply, chances are I did but not in writing ha ha. I really need to do better. Sometimes I actually come up with something good!
I have been pondering a book or e-book for a while. I started writing all of you about it once and then scrapped it. It was to be called I Am Maya. That’s a long story, and was what I was writing about last time. Last night I had the strong feeling I need to keep that idea, and also a new one called A Metaphysical Journey Through Grief. That one would detail the journey through grief and what it looks and feels like, as well as what I did to help myself. Oh, don’t get confused – I’m still grieving. I’m just at a point that I want to actively help someone else.
The story of Maya is my story, and the story of me today, which is a product of (in linear terms) eons of embodiment. Maya is/was, let’s just say more than HUman. Yet she was charged with caring for the HUman population in an area. At a pivotal point in her journey, she realized that she had no empathy for them because she had no context, no point of reference, and she realized how wrong it was that she meted out justice etc. blah blah and had no empathy or context. And so she entered the karmic cycle and set out to EXPERIENCE. You can experience via empathy, but not if you have no context. See the point? 🙂
I’d say that I have experienced what I set out to do long ago. But, now the challenge is finding my way back home. To do that I have to move through grief but, while these processes are somewhat separate, they operate in parallel. So one does not happen without the other.
We will see if I ever get the proper motivation, and words, to put these stories down on paper. And if I do, maybe they won’t suck. Well, who cares. Some stories just need to be told. I learned that recently while telling my mother’s story at the local Elk’s Lodge. Long, long story 🙂
In other news our house has a for sale sign and today the realtor has her photographer coming to take pictures. My house is cleaner than it has been since I moved in. It’s always a shame that we manage to whip things into shape just before we move. I have no “proof” but my gut tells me our house will sell quickly, and then the challenge will be finding somewhere to live for the time it takes them to build a new one. At the very least, the energy in my house has been cleansed to a great degree. I said house – it ceased being a home when Erin’s body died.
It has been very painful moving her things, packing some up, giving some away. We may have the opportunity to give 6 bags of stuffed animals to the local Kids to Love. While she would kill me normally, I like to think that Erin’s expanded perspective will now allow her to be proud that we are doing that.
On that note, while cleaning yesterday I found a pink (had been colored in) broomstick on top of our stair railing. I asked our friend who cleans our house once a week if she put it there, and she said no but she found it last week and left it because she thought I did. Now neither Shaun nor I did, and that only leaves one person which is Erin. I wonder if she sent that as a joke to me, knowing how much I hate cleaning floors and baseboards? That had to be it, and I’ve never seen that broom stick thing before in my life. I have no idea what it is, what it went with, why she had it. I even asked her friend AK and she had no idea. So it must have been meant for me. I love when she sends me messages and signs. I know she is near, but grief often makes you lose faith and wears you down. It’s a regular and vicious cycle.
That’s all for today. I have a busy day of work and a business lunch, followed by pictures at the end of the day. Namaste, Nutsmaste, Blessings, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3