Apr 26

Musings for 4/26/2016

Mom_Nicole_10162014I have not written in a bit, once again, because I have been down in the dumps. I have stopped using the word depression except for when I don’t care to explain it, because this isn’t depression. I do not have an English word for what it is, but I am not depressed over life. So I don’t think it fits. It is definitely a sadness, but so much deeper than even a deep sadness. It is indescribable.

I listened to a video yesterday with an Indian man who stated that depression isn’t in the mind, it’s in the soul. That resonated with me. His answer to healing the soul was to make offerings to our ancestors, because we inherit their genes and (my words) pieces of their souls. I don’t disagree with that, but I also felt that was his heartfelt attempt to help. And it probably does help some, but it is not complete. He is the only person though that I have seen really look at depression in what I consider a balanced and intelligent way. So what I said about the word depression…it’s a flavor of what I feel, but not the whole dish. Hey, for those of you who remember “Mrs. Lawson Words” you will know that words have subtle meanings and so I try to find the right ones. šŸ™‚

Now it comes to mind that fairly recently, in a conversation with like minded friends, I responded to a question with the fact that I am a healer of souls. It surprised me, but it felt like it fit. It feels like it fits. I am not quite sure what all that entails but that is my desire – to heal your soul. I should not be surprised that first I have to figure out how to heal my own then should I.

In the grand scheme of things, how could this have been planned any better? What worse would I ever have to come back from, to heal from, than losing my child? You know the answer already. So here I am, healing my soul or at least trying to. I was just given the answer very definitively while typing so here it is.

Love. Pure Love. You all have heard me speak of the Christ Consciousness and how it relates to us and the planet. I am not arguing with your beliefs. By all means, as god(s), angels, ascended masters, you name it – ask them for help. Lord knows we all need help. We cannot do this alone. Whatever your beliefs, ask them for help. But stop trying to be anything else and be CHRIST LIKE. What does that mean? Well look at Jesus’ example. He was the embodiment of Christ energy and tried to teach us all. I really do not recall ever hearing about Jesus ever having negative self-talk or anything of that sort either do you? So then the first step to being Christ Like, is to Love our Selves. Love your Self. Not the ego sort of love, real Love. I admit that this has come to me backwards as I have finally experienced true Love for others but not for me. I cannot heal my Soul, however, until I Love me.

I understand how many things work very well and I am often shown, too. I can see that if I have success, it will not only ripple out into the multi-verse (I was given that word!), I will also be able to show you how to do it for yourself.

I always get revelations when I write. It’s amazing how just putting something down on paper in a train of thought clarifies things. But anyway, I also want to share something else this man shared in this YouTube video. He said about why spiritual people are often depressed, is that they don’t have a:

Proper relationship with the world of Maya, the world of illusion. Illusion is what gives you joy.

What is illusion? It’s this world and all of the things in it. It’s our lives. Our social circles, our daily activities, our stuff, our family even. It’s the construct that we understand as reality. If you’ve ever had your reality stripped down to any point where you can see the truth behind the facade, then you know that you truly do lose your joy.

Perhaps the way back to that experience of joy is through Love. I do not understand it mentally right now but I feel it. I certainly cannot explain it to you in any better terms than I have in this rambling piece of garbage that I call my blog. You’d think I would edit that out but nope, when I hear words in my mind it is coming from within and so I write them. I think THOSE words, though, came from my judgmental ego. I needed to hear them, and needed to tell you that those aren’t heart-centered words. They aren’t words of Love. Or kindness. See how hard we are on ourselves? I didn’t even notice it until I was then nudged to examine it here. Right now. Thank you all for being a part of my journey for without you, these revelations would not happen.

I want to make sure that I mention that I inserted the picture after I began writing. I normally do so in the beginning as the picture embodies what I want to say. I had no idea this time. That is my mother and me, after she entered the nursing home sometime in 2014. She had dementia and was not herself anymore. Even so, I didn’t really like her self. I loved her but did not like her and she was a terrible mother. I’m being honest because that relationship shaped my journey in this body and lifetime, and I think as I heal my own soul I will help heal hers. She died 12/29/2014, but still finds me during dreamtime and she is still out of her mind somewhere in the astral plane. I very much want to delete this paragraph but my guides tell me to leave it in. So be it.

May your soul receive healing today, and every day. I know that many of you are in pain like I am even if for different reasons. I do not believe this is supposed to be our true nature, and I want to continue to spread Love in an effort to end all suffering. I hope you do too.

Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3


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