**This was started on 2/22…and then I got busy with dinner 🙂
Oh, well, I tried my best to find a communicative graphic but could not find just the right one. I found some pretty ones, but also am always unsure if they are public use or not. I have waited all day to write. I know why now. It had to gestate.
Yes, this is about the womb. You can understand that metaphorically and literally. But it’s not gross, ok? That’s not where I am going with this. It’s a very personal story, but also very important to share.
Weeks ago I had a session with Chloe Hudson from World Peace Projects. It was 1.5 hours long and jam packed. You all know that my body, mind, and spirit are broken. They were more broken then and less now thanks to her care, kindness, and expertise. One of the comments she made was that my 2nd chakra was sort of a puke greenish yellow when it should be vibrant orange. I didn’t doubt that. She said my womb and 2nd chakra were damaged and grieving (or something similar, my words). I didn’t doubt that either. Unless you have ever had your child forcibly taken from you, you cannot possibly understand the longing.
Needless to say, I forgot about it and really haven’t thought about it until maybe an hour ago. But the last week I have had terrible nausea all day, and stomach cramps after food intake. I knew that it was simply a lot of solar and photonic light entering my body and I get it, but geez, lasted for days. At some point, I became afraid that I was pregnant. Admitting this is both somewhat embarrassing and liberating. Didn’t I talk about honesty recently?
Let me stop you – yes I know what you are asking – and say that no, I do not want another child. I want MY child. She can’t be replaced. Yes I know that there are children out there who need families. If one came along I would not shun it, but I am not looking for nor do I want another child. I want MY child, but none other.
I knew I was not pregnant, but finally I honored the fear that came up (remember: False Evidence Appearing Real), and I remembered another thing I had read about the female and the womb. So I told my womb, “womb, thank you so much for carrying my child. I’m sorry for all of the culture taught shame and guilt that I have projected on to you since childhood, and I honor you. And I love and honor you now, and I grieve with you. And if you are lovingly carrying another child, I will honor that and love the child. But please, I do not want another child, and it is no reflection on you.”
Still the stomach stuff persisted and I sort of forgot that I had that conversation with my womb. And now, I have completely lost this flow, as if the story has finished. I suppose it has, as I started my menses today out of the blue, and the whole physical womb monthly cycle has begun anew.
(This is the 2/23 part of the blog)
You see that I thought I was finished. I wasn’t! After I read a heartfelt post from a friend, I had a lot of realizations and very strong emotions that I can no longer remember. But they had to do with not only carrying a baby in my womb, and thus creating life, but also the creation of my own life in my mother’s womb. Long before the idea of a one god religion, there was the Mother and Father. And with the Mother, you have the womb and creation of new life. The theme runs through all cultures, and right now I am thinking of the many stories featuring the old Crone, the woman, and the young children. It’s circular you see. The Crone embodies all that the child and the woman have experienced and will experience. Right now I feel like the old Crone, symbolically, and I am learning to understand the experiences that came before, so that I can drop my baggage and be renewed for what is to come. I know that in the stories the Crone eventually dies, but we are changing the narrative to renewed life and enhanced wisdom. I like that story better.
I am now remembering some of what was going through my mind last night after reading my friend’s masterpiece. Due to culture, religion, and other factors, we are basically taught from birth to be ashamed of our private parts. We are taught that sex is bad, that our sexual feelings are bad, and for heaven’s sake do not touch your privates or expose them! Be ashamed of your gender and hide it under gender appropriate clothing. While on the surface this does serve a purpose, it is damaging to young psyches and old ones too because it brings with it a tremendous amount of guilt and shame. Most of the time, we carry that guilt and shame not having done anything to deserve it. We were just told to have it and so, we do.
If you are wondering what sex has to do with the womb, everything. It’s all energetically the same 2nd chakra. I decided to take a large excerpt from the Chakra Anatomy site. There is more on the page, but this sums it up:
The Sacral Chakra is your passion and pleasure centre and it is located in the pelvic area. While the Root Chakra is satisfied with survival, the 2nd chakra seeks pleasure and enjoyment.
The gift of this chakra is experiencing our lives through feelings and sensations.
The second chakra is the centre of feeling, emotion, pleasure, sensuality, intimacy, and connection.
The energy of this chakra allows you to let go, to move, and to feel change and transformation occurring within your body. It allows you to experience this moment as it is, in its own fullness.
The main challenge for the second chakra is the conditioning of our society. We live in a society where feelings are not valued, where passion, and emotional reactions are being frowned upon. We are being taught not to “loose control”. And we get disconnected from our bodies, our feelings.
As if this was not enough, we also experience the wounds of our collective cultural struggles over many sexual issues of our society. On one hand sexuality is magnified and glorified, and on the other hand it is rejected. This results in either blocked or excessive second chakra issues.
No wonder we have so many issues with our passion centre, the wellspring of feelings, enjoyment, and sensuality.
Do you love your body? Do you enjoy feeling your body? When was the last time you walked barefoot on the grass and felt the sensation of ground underneath your feet?
The sacral chakra is also your centre of creativity.
Passion is the fuel of creative energy. Everything you create, a poem, a drawing, or a website, originates from the energy of second chakra. It is also where your fertility originates. After all, conceiving a child is a creative process.
A person with an open Svadhisthana Chakra is passionate, present in her body, sensual, creative, and connected to her feeling.
For a female, we also have the extra weight of religious doctrine against us. We are the Temptress, the downfall of man. We are asked to cover up, to remain subservient, and to be ashamed of just being a woman. If we are pregnant, we are taught to be ashamed of that too. Only if it meets certain conditions can we discuss and share it, and then that only became prevalent in recent years. Do you remember hearing your grandmothers talking about the code words they used to use for pregnancy like “PG?” I do, because it wasn’t nice to talk about even if you were married!
All of this does a number on our entire energy system. I said energy system to just cover it all. The 1st chakra is your survival instinct. It takes over when you are threatened – you do what you have to do to get along or flat our survive. When the 2nd chakra is out of whack, don’t you think you feel threatened often? At least by shame and guilt. That also throws off your 3rd chakra – personal power. Then there is the 4th, the heart chakra. How hard do you think it would be to understand and experience unconditional love if you had no idea what that was? Think about it! Folks, all of that do this don’t do that or I will be ashamed of you – whether coming from family, friends, churches, schools, etc. – that is Conditional Love. Then you get the 5th chakra, the throat which rules over speaking our truth. Hmph, forget that if you need to meet those conditions for love! The 6th, the brow or more commonly 3rd eye chakra, is seeing both the inner and outer. Really, self reflection and spiritual contemplation. When I was very out of balance, I didn’t do a whole lot of that. Who had time or energy? I didn’t like myself much, and so didn’t want to look at me. Then you have the 7th or Crown chakra. In balance, you feel unity with the All That Is. You also experience serenity, joy, and peace. Fat chance with all that I have described above.
I think most of you see a pattern here, and it’s a negative one. This is why I chose to discuss the womb. It’s not just a female problem, though. Every male alive came from a womb. Even the virgin birth story has a womb in it! That’s not the only one. If I remember correctly, the goddess Athena came out of an egg (a womb), and so did Confucious if I’m not mistaken. It’s a theme in other words.
I am sure that by now I have exhausted this subject, and truthfully I again no longer have a flow. This was my news for yesterday and I’ll end it here and pick up today a little later.
Oh, in case anyone cares, I am, after many years, now ready to do sessions again. I do emotional clearing guidance, guide communication, and I read divination cards and tarot. The cards are a lot of fun actually and always surprise me when I pull my own. I may even start doing energy work later on, which reminds me I do reiki but not long distance yet.
I love you all. Namaste, Nutmaste, #missingerin and #lovingerin <3