Whew, last week was some week. Energetically I mean. If you are in any way sensitive, “hard” energy weeks are much worse than physically demanding ones. They wear you out, wear you down, and in some cases wear you thin. If you do the work that it asks of you, though, you will find a reward of greater insight and greater peace on the other side.
I feel, though, that I should remind you all that while I do gain insight and some degree of peace, please don’t think I’m feeling great. I say that not for myself but for others. I find that people want grievers to feel better so that they feel better. Our pain is hard for others to take. But it isn’t like that, and we continue to carry the load even if we carry it on a different part of our shoulders and backs.
So that said, I did get a nugget out of my shame-filled week last week, and I found it on Saturday. I think part of my biggest problem with the whole thing was that I wondered why now, why did I create this, and why did I create this NOW after I have done so much f’ing work?! I got my answer from a wonderful site that I found called Sabian Symbols. Here is an excerpt from this page that sums it up:
Mercury here speaks of the gifts that can be brought to the surface through a period of exploration into the depths. Right before the lunar eclipse, we have this opportunity to dig down to the pits in order to bring up previously hidden resources – to find the diamond that has come into being from the sometimes incredible pressure that has been brought to bear in your life.
What insights are you gleaning? Are you feeling some remorse, shame or guilt from the past? Are you feeling the need to ‘wash your face’ – to remove the grime or the darkness that might be hanging around from memories of the past? What is it that is dead and you’re still ‘mining away’, digging and digging and wondering what happens if you dig right through the earth and end up in China?
Well, yes I did. I admit that while the initial feeling was brought on by something else, when I explored it, it went very deep into my past. Like the roots of a tree, it touched a lot of things – events, people, me – and I was somewhat forced to ride that out until I got to the root of it (no pun intended).
As many years as I have been doing emotional clearing work, it never ceases to amaze me when something I thought I had cleared comes back up. But, it’s always a new layer, or flavor, of whatever it is. That is confirmation that I did in fact do the work the first time, and that now I am ready for the next phase of it. That can be burdensome when you desperately want to be done, or think you are done, with all karmic stuff and past stuff. For those of us who are willing to face the darkness within and to figure it out and make peace with it, though, know that it is well worth it. For any of you who have complimented me on my strength or anything else in this past year, know that while I do have a strong soul, much of what you see is the product of many years of deep evaluation and emotional clearing. So, in case you wondered or are interested…
I also had to be “clean” before the 28th. I think I mentioned that, but I’ll mention it again. I hate to get all esoteric on you (LOL) since I know all of you aren’t into that, but since 12/21/2012 we have been in a void of sorts, sort of a holding pattern that allowed humanity and the earth to integrate all that we have gone through over the past several thousand years, collectively speaking. Now you see the result of what the collective YOU did in that void period bubbling to the surface. Think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff.
I have believed since Erin’s death that she, her soul, did not want to experience this period for some reason. I don’t claim to know the reason, but I knew that intuitively. Many other souls do not as well, and you see them leaving in various ways. It’s much easier to let them go than it was Erin, but that’s my unique perspective. If you had to let someone you love go, I am so sorry for you and you have my love and hugs. It won’t help you feel better, but I just want to let you know.
So with that, I will try to remember today that there is a reason for everything and that in the end, or one day, I will finally understand. And I wish the same for you. If you are going through a hardship, ask for understanding and you will get at least some. Open yourself to that understanding even if it means experiencing more pain, and try to grow from it. We are all in this together and I love and support you!
By the way, this whole galactic wave everyone has spoken of, it’s about LOVE. I capitalized that because it’s a big thing. LOVE. I add my love to the big wave of LOVE and send it your way today. Namaste, and #missingerin <3