Last week on Thursday, I cleaned out a drawer. That drawer contained two boxes of straws, as well as various plastic straws, and I cried as I did it. I also cleaned Erin’s kid silverware out of our silverware drawer. I had not actually touched it since we arrived home last year.
I spent a lot of last week grieving, again. I mentioned already that I feel as if I have been stripped down to the core of whoever I am, standing naked before the All That Is. With nothing, where do I go now? What do I do? I am inside of a void and though doors have closed, none have opened yet either.
I should also note that I have been grieving, or saying goodbye, to many things. I am grieving my chiropractor who was also a friend, Dr. Darla Fitzwater, who along with her husband retired on July 23. I am grieving the passing of Dr. Wayne Dyer over the weekend, even though I know he is on to his next adventure (RIP Dr. Wayne!). I’m grieving my old life, even though it was immensely dysfunctional.
I feel like that which I just mentioned was sealed with the super moon that occurred last Saturday. And with 3 days of void on either side, now I have the next 13 days until the eclipse to find the next doorway. I did some reading about eclipses in general, and about the eclipse on 9/13, and it seems that it is heavily focused on karmic debts being paid and on Chiron, the Wounded Healer. You can read about it here with some nifty charts. But let me explain the significance to me and other spiritually minded people.
Karmic debt is, supposedly, now being reset in a sense. I hate to say wiped clean, but perhaps that is a good way to describe it. I have heard that before but it never resonated until now, and so since it does, I’m going with it. I have also heard a lot of people talking about resets lately, and so that resonates a lot. When something resets, the former state is nullified and a new, neutral state begins. What you and I do with that neutral state is entirely up to us. Just think…if you were suddenly absolved of crimes, or debts, and were free and clear, what would you do with your life? Would you be the best you can be or go back to racking those up? It’s your choice, and if you are reset and no longer bound by those burdens and chains, why not go with your heart flow?
Which leads me back to Chiron, the Wounded Healer. Some astrologers believe that Chiron is another flavor of Jesus, which is the Christ Consciousness. The person we know as Jesus is just one of many who embody this consciousness we know as pure love. And that love is despite the trials and tribulations, and great pain, that the healer has to endure. Sort of sounds like some of us who have endured the great burden of karmic debt doesn’t it? Those of us who still have managed to have love in our hearts anyway. The Christ always reacts with love, and acts with love. And my friends, since the only thing that you and I can control is our actions and reactions, think of the implications! We too can embody the Christ Consciousness when we choose love and compassion over fear and hatred. It’s our choice. Karmic reset and Love, Love, Love. Sounds like a fantastic energetic event is upon us!
Energy is, by the way, the point of all of this. When I say energy, I mean all forms of energy including emotions. I started out this post by telling you what I mentioned last week, which is that I had been stripped to the core. I am not a hollow shell, instead I am a bare bones core of whatever the heck I am. And honestly it is very uncomfortable and I feel very vulnerable. I struggle to explain myself when trying to give answers, and I am not sure how I feel or think about much of anything. Those old connections are gone, in a literal energetic sense (think metaphysically), and I’m just sort of standing here covering my private parts! LOL Well that’s how it feels anyway.
I have to mention to you all that 9/13 is a 4, which is a heart number. No I didn’t add the year, because that’s not what spoke to me. If any of you are numerology experts and I am in error please comment because I would like to know. But again, this is MY feeling on it. So anyway, it occurs to me for my own reset, that my “troubles” began in earnest when I was 4 years old. My father died when I was 4, and life changed drastically, even more so than when he got sick when I was 2 (He died of ALS). After that my existence got shittier and shittier by the year, and I am not exaggerating. Not necessarily every day life, but sometimes. I have had big, shitty events happen to me on a regular basis. A lot of loss for sure, and much adversity. While the events culminated on the day Erin died, the passing of my mother in December left me basically alone and “bare” in the sense of any sort of immediate family. I don’t count Shaun into that because we are not blood related, and my Aunts and Cousins are not immediate family (in case you are wondering). I have been alone, though, mostly all of my life, even when my mother was still my legal guardian. So these were symbolic of that state, finally wrapping up in the physical reality, and forcing me into the biggest life lesson that I perceive I will face in this life. Desiring to help others, even when my Self was struggling, I am the Wounded Healer. The love in my heart, my Christ consciousness, rising daily. Karmic debts paid in full, the baggage and crap stripped clean to my bones.
Now how many of you can say that this feels like yourself when you insert your story in place of mine? I imagine a lot of you, because I am thinking of people I know and there surely has to be others. We are coming full circle my friends, and these signs in the stars are the guideposts saying “Hey! Hang on! We’re almost there!”
I wrote a blog some time ago that talked about the idea of making a joyful noise, and in it I postulated that the phrase wasn’t about singing, but about holding the joy in your heart chakra. Noise, sound, is the same as a harmonic. It’s a vibration, a frequency. The frequency of joy and of love can be measured! At the top of this page is a picture of the emotion of joy, as measured by a water crystal. I urge you to Google Masuro Emoto and his work, and look at the different pictures taken of the various emotions projected into the water, as well as crystal pictures taken after listening to different types of music and various sounds. There is indeed a joyful noise, and a noise of love, compassion, etc.
Get excited about the reset, and let your hearts get all amped up on love and the Christ Consciousness and beam it out to the whole world! I’m still working on the Joy part, but I am beaming copious amounts of love to you all in between bouts of #missingerin.
Blessings, Namaste, and Mitakuye Oyasin!