One definition of faith is a strong belief or trust in someone or something. Over the last several days, specifically yesterday, I am being asked to trust in what I know and feel. That may sound odd, but oddly, things I would tell you and feel with conviction telling you, I doubt when I am alone with my own thoughts.
Questioning yourself or others isn’t necessarily a problem. In fact, I learned long ago – and would admonish you too – not to have blind trust or faith in anyone or anything. At the very least you need to use your gut instinct, or intuition, before making a leap. But what I am talking about is a self-doubt that keeps me from moving from my old story to the new. Rather, to the NOW.
It’s interesting that at the time I am having this personal crisis that I started to see messages pop up on this subject as if they were written just for me. I want to share one with you, as I found it most relevant.
There are people who are very much interested in the old. They are past-oriented. They believe in something only if it is very old. The older it is, they think, the better it is. All that is old is gold for them. They go on trying to prove that their scripture is the oldest scripture in the world, their religion the most ancient.
There is another group of people who think the new is always better than the old because it is new.
It is more evolved, more improved, more refined.
These are the two kinds of people; both go on missing the truth. One is past-oriented, the other is future-oriented; and truth exists now, neither in the past nor in the future.
Quoted from the Galactic Free Press Newsletter 6/8/2015
That’s pretty simple and pretty deep at the same time. Truth exists now. I am doubting my truth – yet it exists now so where am I living? I certainly cannot move to any future if I am not yet in the now.
I got another newsletter today from Lisa Gawlas, and it said this:
Our spiritual teams will allow us to believe anything we need to believe.
That’s because we have free will, ya know. And sometimes we delude ourselves to avoid pain, suffering, etc. I am afraid that I am believing a bunch of BS – doesn’t matter what it is – because my world was so shaken up when Erin died that I need to believe there is a method to the madness and something wonderful coming on the other side of the darkness. So on a daily basis, sometimes several times a day, I re-examine my entire Belief System (or BS – hehehe). Which again, is not inherently bad, but the self-doubt is really bringing me down.
Then I opened YouTube this morning, and I found that the AscensionPioneers channel had posted Leap of faith: Mastering Choice. Wow. I think I am finally getting the message. That’s step 1. Step 2 is internalizing it and putting it into practice.
I want to stop a second and say that I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps not reasons that we can all get behind, or that make us feel good, but a reason. Even our free-will choices add up to big changes eventually, and in some cases could change the course of history. One has to wonder if free will is just an illusion, and if fate and destiny have more pull on us than we realize or would like to believe.
The other day I wrote about knowing that I did not want to be the person I was before Erin died, and so therefore I know that I cannot desire the past. I have to desire a new and different present and future. In new age terms, I suppose I could say that I need to leave the old Earth behind and firmly plant my feet on the new Earth, in the new reality. And speaking of Ascension Pioneers, well I have been given a challenge that I can hardly believe I am capable of pulling off. If I am able to find faith in myself, and in creation itself, then I suppose I will help pioneer the new and miraculous. Part of that is holding a vibration of balance, and desire but not longing. That’s a tough order in and of itself.
That’s my challenge for this week. I will be faking it until I’m making it and not saying I hope, I think, or anything of that sort. It will be I know. I believe. I trust.
Namaste, and wish me well at anchoring that into my being!