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May 20

Black Days

Yes, that’s a throwback to the Soundgarden song and how I am feeling. It’s a crappy day when you cry the entire ride to and from the gym, and then some after you get back in the house. Let me share the first bit of the lyrics with you…

Whatsoever I’ve feared has come to life
Whatsoever I’ve fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and now I’m doing time
Cause I fell on black days

They follow up with “How would I know that this could be my fate?” Indeed.

Today is a day I have dreaded for over a week at least, since it came to the forefront of my mind. This morning was the bridging ceremony for the Hampton Cove Elementary School 5th Grade, and school will be out in 2 days. It brings more finality, and more pain, to my already miserable life. (See, I told you I had fell on black days.)

I do want to share a picture of what her class did in memory of her for their 5th grade legacy project, which was a chandelier. I haven’t seen the whole thing, but thank you to Paula H. for sending me the picture.

5thGradeChandelierHer friends know her well, as she absoutely loved fairies. I think this one may be one I am supposed to know, but someone will have to remind me which one.

Also, thank you Paula H. for passing on our sentiments to her classmates, their parents, and the faculty this morning assuming you were able to do so. That is very painful for us to even think about but we appreciate your kindness so much for doing so.

I am still doing everything I can to be all that I can be, and I seem to be making progress. But how can I really make progress with such little joy? I guess that’s the million dollar question. And when I figure that out, I will cure depression and make billions that I will share with everyone I cured. Hey, I haven’t lost my sense of humor yet.

So the school year has passed, everyone is moving on with their lives but Shaun and I, and we are both crying in our cornflakes. That about sums it up. And I swear I had more things to say than this, but I am do darn sad today that I have lost whatever that was. Oh, I’m currently engaged in some thought provoking reading about quantum physics and the nature of consciousness, but that wasn’t it. Puppy has a new bone, but that wasn’t it either. I guess today I will just focus on doing the best that I can do.

I will upload this picture to the Missing Erin site so that her friends far and wide can see it. Thanks everyone for your continued kindness and support.

Namaste, and #missingerin

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