Apr 26

Swimming Against the Tide

I have wanted to write for several days, but have you ever had something to say, you just couldn’t muster it up to say it? I’ve been that way across the board. I got a lovely gift from someone last weekend…took me almost 6 days just to say a mere thank you. I just couldn’t find adequate words, and finally decided that plain thank you was better than silence. Same with my blog here. I have a lot going on “inside” but it’s sometimes tricky to communicate in English.

I am continuing some work with Lisa Gawlas. I knew it was time to reconnect with her and so I did. Sometimes, what you need in your own vibration is to merge with another vibration for a bit. It’s perhaps the simplest way to share anything – ideas, emotions, etc. Every person has a vibe that is all their own, and so when we have a chat or even smile at each other, we share ours. Cool huh?

I am able to meditate, and I have no problems whatsoever with visions and visualizations. I do not like to sit still and meditate. It’s like ants in my pants, and I also now have to be alone with my own thoughts, which is often painful. But I have had so many damn people tell me I needed to meditate I finally said OK Universe, I’ll give it a shot. So I paid Lisa for her assistance when she offered a class (just started last week). It’s like paying a personal trainer for the gym or a life coach. That was the only way I could commit.

I had no idea what I wanted to get out of it, so she took a look at my field and gave me a 4 day assignment. I thought, OK, well that’s not so interesting. But when I began those meditations all I can say is WOW! I will give you a brief overview now and maybe share a redacted version at some point. I was given an “outhouse” – yes that’s what it looked like – to go in (no toilet) and it had 4 doors with 4 signs above it. Three of them were printed with Love, Laughter, and Joy. The 4th was to be saved for last and was blank. Well the first day, I went in and Love was not love…it clearly said Peace even though my psyche protested that it was supposed to say Love. So I took this door first, since it made its debut in such a way, and I have to tell you I had around 4 days of peace in my heart. I felt so peaceful to the point that I was afraid I had become numb.

Well, that lasted until last night when around bedtime, I had the heavy feeling in my heart again. I recognized it as panic. It’s interesting how you can feel panic over something that has already happened that you can’t immediately change but it happens. It’s a shitty feeling but at some point I was able to calm myself and go to sleep.

By the way, door number 4 presented itself to me as Remember, and it took me to a jungle from Mayan times that I have been to before during a past life regression. The contents of that meditation wouldn’t make sense to any of you so I will keep it private for now, but let me just say that it was very deep and struck me emotionally. It had everything to do with some other existence of mine but nothing to do with Erin.

So all week I have been processing what these meditations have been doing for me. They aren’t your normal “quiet mind” meditations…nope, they take me places I didn’t know I was going. I have some writings under Articles on past life regressions and guide talk, so if you are interested read those. Basically I have no idea where I am going or who I will meet when I embark on those journeys, but they are always rewarding and most interesting.

I have somewhat of a heavy heart today, but I am holding it together so far.

Have a lovely day, and Namaste. #missingerin


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