Today I did more “stuff.” On my lunch break of course, but still I took care of a list of things that I had on my agenda. I get my list via intuition, from what I call “my team.” Think of them as guardian angels, or whatever you like to imagine. I recognize their energy, get wonderful signs and messages from them in various ways, and many times get very strong nudges.
For example, Aunt Shirley S. gave me her tarot deck to learn to read. I brought it home, took it out of the bag it was packed in, and then set them down. For days – yes days – I got visual glimpses of those cards and I knew what that meant. I mean, I saw them in my mind like a vision, not walked by them. I finally picked them up and read them for myself yesterday. I also have been getting strong nudges to begin an exercise program, and hire a personal trainer from my gym (that I pay for and don’t go to!). So I got that going yesterday and today.
I was also “told” to clean out my closet again. I think this time I’ve about got it. I kept what I really like except, crap, one thing. I need to go get rid of that. PS – when cleaning out your stuff, don’t keep something just because “it’s still good and usable.” That’s what hoarders do hehe. Keep what you LOVE. Get rid of what you don’t. I still have one sweater from high school, because I LOVE it and it’s good quality.
I also read the first chapter of a book called Emergence by Barbara Marx Hubbard. She had an awakening at age 69, and wrote a book about it. I guess it’s better late than never. Anyway, everyone gets guidance and nudges (yeah, that thought that popped into your head to go do something? **smile**), and as it turns out this book is about cultivating that connection to whatever it is that she calls her Soul or Higher Self. And learning to filter out the Inner Child or Ego, AKA all of that self-talk which is probably mostly negative that you hear all of the time.
Anyway, I have to have something to focus on as I move along my journey. I hate busy work, but I suppose that I will also get something out of it. At any rate, I was able to withstand going into the bedroom adjacent to Erin’s “rooms” today and I consider that progress. I normally just do not look in that direction. It’s very difficult.
But on that note, I’ve been doing a lot of reading about time/space and dimensions and timelines lately, as well as some other things, and I guess while I still am very sad, I feel like my psyche is beginning to understand how maybe I can “find her” again or something. I really don’t have words. Everyone has their own world view or belief system and I’m trying to understand this separation in the context of mine. Whatever gives me – and likewise you – comfort.
Which all just came crashing down as soon as I sent in the form to The Compassionate Friends to have Erin’s name carried on a banner during their Walk to Remember this year (it popped into my head, so I stopped to do it). Now I am back to being down in the dumps. I really just cannot think of Erin without being sad. I miss her so much. It physically hurts me. I know there are those of you out there who know, and I’m so sorry. It really brings new definition to “feeling sorry for yourself.”
I guess that was all. #missingerin
