Mar 03

Long and Winding Road

Ah, that song, or at least that verse, plays out over and over in my mind today. I was on the way to work this morning thinking that I would write about joy. Not my joy, but the idea that joy instead of constant fear would change the whole world. And it would, but the sentiment is now gone and I have no idea what I intended to write about.

The long and winding road, though, wow am I on it. Is your road winding? Or long? Many people’s roads are not. They are straight and safe and not full of much drama or hoopla. There is nothing wrong with that from either a 3D Earth or a Soul perspective. Your soul chooses what it wants to experience and learn from (usually – there can be interference from “outside”), and some souls surely need a break. Although I can’t imagine why you would want to incarnate in such a place, but to each their own. Some also make different choices when they do incarnate. They had chosen path A, but then say oh no, I don’t want to do that and take path B. Sometimes this is conscious and sometimes it’s not.

I’ve said before that I can hear myself telling my peeps, my team, that no matter what I wanted to get this accomplished and under no circumstances should they feel sorry for me and help/interfere. That sounds just like me, and I can feel it resonating as I write it, so I know it’s truth. Did my Soul know how hard it would be? Did I think I would have some big breakthrough? Did I know that I would become broken?

Maybe that was the point. I have long thought that the Celestials (whomever they are, be they angels, deities, extra terrestrials, etc.) do not understand the physical/human condition. They don’t get how hard it is, how much suffering there is, or perhaps even the joy we feel at simple things. They probably don’t understand the feeling you get from laughing at something hilarious, or the worry we feel about our loved ones, or anything else. Do they learn through us? Many say they do, and I think so.

And so I say to them a lot, out loud so they can hear me, that I hope they are learning and that they need to hurry and put a stop to this. We live in a fear-based, abusive, suffering world. It is set up for us to fail, and if you don’t believe me I don’t care. I’m a pretty smart cookie and I am smart enough to see and understand that we are set up to fail. Sometimes one gets through, one succeeds, because hey those in power have to throw us a bone and keep the dream alive right? Dangle that carrot in other words. But it’s just a carrot. This experiment has gone long past its expiration date and it’s time to call it and tally the results.

My short 43 years have definitely been winding, and long. It’s also been some strange trip to add more cliche. I have no idea what to make of it other than I wanted to pack a whole lot of stuff in. Maybe this is my swan song as an Earth human. Who knows. I used to crave understanding, but now I don’t feel that it really matters so I just shoot for gaining a little more wisdom each day.

I do know that I better get a good grade on this lifetime. It has sucked. I didn’t handle the suckiness so good in the beginning, but in my later year I have learned restraint in my actions and reactions, and I have learned to work a process and let it play out. My overall process is to be that of an observer. What am I feeling, why am I feeling it, how did this occur…and even if I am upset and bitter I have to take responsibility for that which is mine and for co-creating my reality. When you feel shitty, that can really suck. But it does feel good to be empowered.

I’ve digressed, and so I will wrap it up now. I really had to just follow the long and winding road before it drove me nuts. Ok, more nuts. And as a PS, please don’t congratulate me for having a “better day” or something. I never have good days. They are all shitty and there is nothing that I do that I don’t think of Erin. Just so you know 🙂

Namaste and #missingerin

5 comments

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    • Mark Taff on March 7, 2015 at 4:09 pm
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    Jacques de Molay and Erin are connected by you who knows why this happened……takes 9 months to process fully and move on knowing you will meet again….and to this end…..a dream you are to have that will make you feel better ,,,,Erin lives forever and sooner then you think you will be with her again…..believe this true as IT really is.

    1. Hi Mark,

      Thank you for your kind words. It was nice to hear from you. I’m not having such a great weekend. I believe you are right, but it is so hard to keep believing when I feel so bad 🙁

      Hope your family is well.
      Nicole

    • Mark Taff on March 10, 2015 at 7:29 pm
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    Your ego is unable to forgive……..your subconscious wants to experience pain which is preventing the Comforter being sent by Erin to reach your higher self …………as to my family 2014 was a rough trying year in that Elaine’s mom passed April 6 ….my father 5 days later and then in November her brother passed also .

  1. Yes it’s unable to forgive. No level of multidimensional understanding will keep a mother from thoughts that she “should have known” or “could have saved” her child. I don’t know if you read, but Shaun’s brother died in May, and my mother on December 29. Sounds like we both had “bad” years. I’m sorry for your losses.

    • Mark Taff on March 12, 2015 at 4:15 pm
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    No I did not know……and yes the year from a 3d perspective was truly horrible but as we came here to be “alive” in multi dimensions we must push ourselves to process …. become aware and bring IT …. who we truly are …..into this body ….and make ourselves whole again…………..and now as the Ides of March are upon us is the time to do so………I know you are hurting and no one should have to go through what you are experiencing but Erin who is happy where she is now “needs” you to do so. as until you do she is not free to fully explore … the wonderous world she is now in ……Forgiveness is the key……you did nothing wrong and as hard as it is to accept this was her contract ……”saving” her was not in the plan she designed ..

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