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Feb 18

Survival of the Lightest?

After posting This Little Light, I began thinking about survival. Survival instincts are what really spurred me to write the other blog post to start with. I had a bad night on 2/16, and as I was crying myself to sleep I had a fleeting thought of someone coming into my aunt’s home with a gun, and in my vision I instinctively put my hand up to block the blow. Now, keep in mind that there was no fear with my vision, only the natural instinct of self-preservation. Which actually made me smile, because it was interesting to witness.

This world is one of survival. That is why we work, why we grow food, why we buy food and other goods, and one reason why we kill. Among other things of course…but everything we do nearly is motivated by survival. Even social situations are motivated by survival – survival of the EGO, but survival nonetheless. I was recently watching an episode of Shark Tank, where they said to a contestant that they were “fighting for their life.” Well, not really, but perhaps it felt that way to the contestant.

Which, I suppose, takes me back to cultivating our light. You can sub many words for the word “light” and have nearly the same meaning. Goodness, kindness, correctness even. Consider this from the Emerald Tablets…

Light comes only to those who strive. Hard is the Pathway that leads to the Wisdom; hard is the Pathway that leads to the Light. Many stones shall you find in your pathway, many mountains shall you climb towards the Light.

What this is saying is that following the light, or the positive pathway, isn’t all roses. It doesn’t mean that your life will suddenly become warm and fuzzy and little furry bunnies. In fact, it’s the harder path. You have to make a conscious decision to keep going, usually because it’s so damn hard. It’s not the popular path, and often your values or decisions may be fairly unpopular. I vividly remember the time that Erin found $20 in the parking lot outside of Dick’s Sporting Goods. I made her bring it to the desk inside, because it was someone else’s, and we shouldn’t gain from someone else’s loss. Very unpopular, but the right thing to do.

The Light – it’s the reason I continue to survive. I dedicated my life to it many years ago, and to learning a path of integrity, wholeness, ethics, and what I call right action. That part of “me” is still intact, unfazed by the horrendous events of my life. That part of me can look beyond the physical existence, and see that Erin served the light when her soul decided to leave the Earth plane, and that my suffering teaches me about both the light and the darkness.

I consciously choose the Light, but honestly, the path of darkness would be sooooo much easier. Thankfully I am not the type to take the easy road, no matter how painful it is. Years ago when I said to the Universe, to give me lessons full speed, I never knew that I would have to let go of the light of my life in the process or that I would have to endure the unthinkable. More importantly, I never would have agreed to it. I would have sold my soul to avoid that loss. That, my friends, is why we cannot know what our future holds for us. In most cases, we would live to avoid it instead of gaining value from the journey.

THAT part of me, it will relentlessly pursue the path of the Light and of Oneness. The other part, though, will still beg to sell our soul to get Erin back. So, maybe I will do some additional light reading on the Tablets and hope some wisdom seeps in. Until then I will leave you with this, from the same Tablet quoted above…

Hark ye O old man and list to my warning:
be ye free from the bondage of night.
Surrender not your soul to the BROTHERS OF DARKNESS.
Keep thy face ever turned towards the Light.
Know ye not, O man, that your sorrow,
only has come through the Veil of the night.
Aye man, heed ye my warning:
strive ever upward,
turn your soul toward the LIGHT.
The BROTHERS OF DARKNESS seek for their brothers
those who traveled the pathway of LIGHT.
For well know they that those who have traveled
far towards the Sun in their pathway of LIGHT
have great and yet greater power
to bind with darkness the children of LIGHT.

I’m sure some of you also have resources that you use. So enjoy your own light reading, and keep your little light shining. If all we can do is to survive, then so be it.

Namaste, peace, and blessings.

#missingerin

2 comments

  1. Marianne Campbell

    OMG, what a sweet and loving blog entry. I was afraid that Erin might be too afraid to cross on over because she would be too worried about you and Shaun. I have been reading about crossing over and the reasons that some souls chose to stay longer. One reason is that they wanted to make sure that the people they love are going to be okay. I believe that if she has not yet crossed over, she will soon. I’m sure she is very proud of you. Also, in doing the work for yourself, you do it for her also. She really wouldn’t want to stay earthbound. You wouldn’t want too. It is sad, even for me, that she is gone. Her little life has even affected me. It made me go inside myself to see and understand what I believe and KNOW. I have more empathy for people who have suffered loss. Also, thanks to you, I know what NOT to say – when I don’t know what to say. I have grown close to you and Shaun (my bro from another mo). Erin affected my life for the good.
    #missingerin

    1. Nicole

      Marianne,

      Don’t get me wrong, but the best that I can do or could do was to take her off of life support and let her go. Otherwise, I will honestly never willingly let her go. I hope that doesn’t hold her here but I think her soul will do as it pleases, which is what it did when it decided to let her body die and not stay here on Earth. But no, I will never let her go and I still grieve her each day like it was the day she died. I fight to keep the part of me alive that is in service to others. It’s a daily struggle and one that I lose, often and privately. I find strength to go on here and there, but it is fleeting. Just after I posted the article yesterday, I spent the day crying and with such a heavy heart I could barely breathe sometimes. And before someone asks – it doesn’t matter what “anyone would want.” I cannot control these feelings. They are involuntary and hell, I wish that I was not grieving and that she wasn’t gone, but it’s reality at least for now.

      Thank you for being there Marianne. <3

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