This is my second draft. I began writing a minute ago, not knowing what I was supposed to say, and then discovered to my dismay that something here in my editor was bugging me. I only mention this because there are no coincidences, and as such I see two things that I need to pay attention to. First, I have outgrown the width of my editor. What does that mean? Outgrown…width…editor (self/mind). I guess a shift in my perception from something I recently listened to must have done the trick.
Second, I guess I had to try to start over to see that my editor still had not fixed its width (I hate when you type, and it keeps running so that you can’t see the whole bit on the page. No sliders – bugs me to death.). I had to see this because I had to remember what I had actually learned. What is that you ask? Come as you are.
I happened upon a video by a guy named Matt Kahn last night and something about him made me keep listening. Some of the things he was saying were like “DUH” and so I listened to one then another this morning. The message that I took away from it is to come as you are. I’m not sure if any religious texts say that specifically, but I do remember an old song from church “Just As I Am” so maybe that’s a universal concept. I guess the point is that yo have to be brutally honest in order to actually grow, arrive, achieve, whatever. So he was making some jokes about arriving and saying “Well I’m not happy about this!” It really struck a chord, because I am able to see some of the divine reasoning behind my shit storm in life here, but damn I am NOT happy about it. That’s being honest. And I have to stop and share this – as I wrote the words “divine reasoning” I got a huge tone in my left ear.
So last night, Shaun and I were both really bummed. Honestly we rarely ever even say her name to each other. It makes it more real, and more sad. But we did, and we were bummed. I was in the bed trying to go to sleep and I mentally yelled out everything I was unhappy about. Unhappy is my truth lately, so I was being honest. I came as I was. And this morning I felt a lot better about some of it. And I’m going to take the editor width and the tone as a sign that I managed to do something right.
The second video I listened to this morning was actually a hoot in many ways, so I’m going to highly recommend it here if for no other reason than to get a good laugh. I bet this guy is a hoot to be around. He made me smile and laugh anyway. It’s called Too Good to Be True and it also sparked somewhat of a perspective change.
Of course I can’t say Come As You Are without thinking of the old Nirvana song. “Come as you are, doused in mud, soaked in bleach, as I want you to be.” Such a dichotomy with “as I want you to be” but isn’t that part of this human experience? I turn that inward today, knowing that I harbor both within me in regards to my own Self.
Well, that’s all for today, or for right now at least. I am going to work on being honest even if that is unhappy, and accept that is what and who I am right now. I’m also going to work on congratulating myself for the little things (if you watch the video you will get that). Such as “Man, I really wrote a kick ass article today didn’t I!” **smile**
Namaste you wonderful people. #missingerin
PS – If anyone is interested in the Medium that I visited in Nashville, Krista Kaine, she will be back on these dates: Tuesday, February 18th-Sunday February 22nd 2015. Visit her website or email firstname.lastname@example.org to book it.