I had such a major Aha moment just now, that it is my topic for today. I had a nice weekend only to become mired in sadness last night and most of today. I have been wavering between deep thought, huge and hard tears, and feeling hollow within. Before when I felt pain in my heart chakra, it wasn’t hollow. But now I wonder, has the damage finally burned itself so much that now I have a hole there? While it may sound counterproductive, getting the old out actually makes room for the new. And that’s true whether it is energy or physical things. In other words, maybe hollow feeling is progress.
OK, now for my aha moment. I will have to give you some background in order to take you on this journey. I just read the first few sentences of an article on Mayan Messages, which I recommend if you are interested in a different perspective. The article is called Moving Beyond Doubt (Day 76), and it says “There is nothing wrong with doubt, for there are many false teachers and many invalid responses to scientific query. However, instilled within each of you is a way of knowing what is true and what is the best solution for whatever you seek.”
Well if that didn’t kick off the Aha moment, and in a flash. I had just been thinking about how I have been told for years that I am a selfish person by someone close to me. It’s always “all about me” according to this person. And honestly, I grew up being very selfish and I guess I thought I was atoning for that, and learning to see it, and so I swung the other direction. There is nothing wrong with being selfless (as opposed to selfish), but you have to know how to get your own needs met in a balanced way. I don’t know how to do that in personal relationships. So I continually get stuck in things like arguments and a lot of doubt, mostly because I don’t understand myself and what I need to accomplish for me. And I clearly did not understand actual selfishness, and falsely believed that I was.
Somehow, I also felt that I was to drag this person along with me on my spiritual journey kicking and screaming if need be. I thought that was my purpose here, or one of them. I mention this because it plays in to what I just got from my team.
For those of you who don’t “tune in” to messages from the non-physical world – aka your guardian angels, or whomever you know or whatever you like to call them – there are many ways to get messages and while that’s another topic, I feel the need to mention that it is rarely like it is on TV. Anyway, I get “flashes” sometimes that are feelings that like pictures, carry 1000 words. Sometimes I’m shown pictures that come with feeling…either way I get the message very clearly when it comes that way. And that is how I got this one, through an intense feeling that downloaded into a message.
Suddenly it was so clear! I have it all wrong. NOTHING is about that other person. Now I’m not talking about the general obligations that you have when you have a relationship or friendship with a person. I’m talking about my life. Guess what? It’s all about me. Are you saying “Well duh!?” yet? I am not talking about being self-absorbed. In fact, what another person experiences is…say it with me …all about them. Or “Me” if you are speaking from your own point of view. It’s our experience, it’s our needs and wants, and it’s our life. So it is in fact all about us. And we don’t have to worry about anyone else. Our obligation is to be kind and compassionate and radiate unconditional love to the rest of the world, but not to wallow in doubt and let our sovereign selves get trampled by another Human (or otherwise). And you know, people don’t trample us unless we allow it. No blame – just responsibility.
I am seriously crying in my corn flakes today, and last night, but I will say again that if I am going to rebuild this heart chakra of mine and keep living, I need to do it in a healthy way. I don’t know why it took this long to understand what I have so poorly written, but it did. And I understand it so much better than I explained it, and I think now I can work on getting my needs met in a more healthy way. Why? I have shifted perspective and I see myself differently.
I also feel better than I did an hour ago. This sucks but I am determined to get through it for me and for Erin.
Love, blessings, and Namaste.