I forgot to post this picture yesterday, but as I was leaving my reiki appointment I passed a car that had a tag saying Butterfly (in tag code anyway). The reminders are nice, because I was darn sad all day yesterday. I don’t know why one day may be better than another. I am sad today, too, but not in the same way. I think maybe the reiki helped me to release a lot of emotion yesterday because it poured out all day long, even until I went to sleep last night.
I received a new grief book that I ordered in the mail yesterday. It’s called Turning the Corner on Grief Street by Terri Daniel. I found her website when I was searching for what they call “after death communication.” Everyone has an opinion on that and I honor yours. However, I know that it is real and yet I seem to be blocked in my despair from accessing that for myself right now. At any rate, so far her book is pretty good. It is discussing the value and gifts you receive from grief. That fits with my own thoughts that every situation (bad, good, etc.) has value and you have to be open to finding it, otherwise you may end up bitter and a victim. The bottom line is that my brain is now back on track to go the right direction, but my heart is making frequent pit stops along the way. Oh, the subtitle is “Loss and Bereavement as a Journey of Awakening.” I think that sums it up nicely.
I have said already that I do not want to waste this opportunity for growth and healing. For whatever reason, Erin died, and I need to honor both her and myself and make the most of this. Again, brain knows, heart does not know. The heart is very powerful so I need to get it on board.
Today Shaun is golfing, and I am going into nature to reconnect with the Creator and the All That Is. I have been shown in my minds eye where to go, what to do, and what to bring. Basically I am going to go to a pretty place, and be in nature, and I suppose perform my version of what you might call prayer. And to be honest, I am procrastinating right now writing this, and I should already be gone. So if you are reading, give me a mental push and get me out the door (because it’s likely to take me another hour!).
This day by day stuff is really a bummer. Minute by minute, hour by hour, it’s a drag. I’ll try to take some pretty pictures during my hike and post them later. I was up where I am going last Wednesday, and there were deer and lots of deer tracks. Did I mention that the night Erin died, we got to our hotel and there was a female deer eating the plants right in front of the hotel? She loved animals. Maybe that was her spirit 🙂