Again, I have no idea what I am about to write about, but here I go. Before I could put this to the page, I was nudged so hard I couldn’t ignore it to look at a business card that I found on my desk. Many people find business cards on their desk, of course, but this one was from a nice lady who did the drumming ceremony for us on the last day of the Max the Crystal Skull weekend. And her card was not on top of my desk. It was put up in a cubby hole with some other cards. How it got right in front of me on my desk, I guess I will have to thank my guides for that!
Anyway, her name is Valerie “Two Hawks” and her website is The Bear Is My Brother. While I truly enjoyed her drumming and releasing ceremony, I had no idea why I was visiting her site until I saw the Shamanic Soul Retrieval link. The material on that page was very familiar to me, as it was talking about what I call soul shards, why the soul would split and leave the body, and why you need to retrieve them. There is also a link called Compassionate Extraction, which is basically what I call entity removal. You know, there are so many different types of energy that exists and it can all invade and be invaded. So whatever you want to call it, it was very familiar to me.
For some reason, Kem (my higher self) really wants me to write about my mother. I have faltered writing this sentence for some time, because I really don’t want to write about her. I would like to think I have grown enough as a Soul that I don’t have to write unkind things about anyone, but sometimes the truth is unkind and in order to help others you sometimes have to tell the truth. Plus there is so much drama! Why dredge it all up? Well Kem says that others are struggling as I am and this will help them to release. Then so be it.
In a nutshell, I am an only child and my relationship with my mother has always been dysfunctional. My father died when I was 4 years old, and I seem to remember a loving mother between the age of 4 and 7. A normal mother at least. But at age 7 she began dating a married man and changed tremendously. Let’s just say it went down hill from there and I am lucky that I did not grow up to be a hooker, or a drug dealer, or something else that was an unhealthy choice of lifestyle. I was a very strong and smart child, but I was also weak in the sense that I just wanted my mommy. So I was clinging to that, into adult hood, and I had tremendous abandonment issues.
Fast forward to adulthood, where I have my own daughter, where I chose to deal with my mother’s alcoholism and selfishness – and unwillingness to change, and now two years into her living in my home with what is probably now late 6th stage dementia. I could probably write a book on the drama and stupid shit that I have endured throughout my life, but let’s save that for another time. I can see the point of this coming, but seem to be getting to it the long way.
Part of the work that I have been doing is to clear and reclaim those pieces of soul from my past/parallel lifetimes, and in one of those significant ones my mother was my daughter. And she was vain, and arrogant, and selfish. And she was jealous, and wanted the attention, and she did some horrible things to me. She was a little more powerful in that lifetime than she is now, so it was a bit different in dynamics, but still the same sort of stuff. Same behavior. She didn’t learn this lifetime either, and I have been in a sort of conundrum watching her 3D body and mind decline, as I clear my feelings and connection to her spirit and to the issues following us for lifetimes. Her karma is great, but mine is now cleared.
I think this is where I say that many of you have also gone through other lifetimes with family members, and if you are able to clear those up to resolution and mutual love and respect then make sure you finish that up now! I mean, you will feel tons better, but also this is sort of the time that we here on Earth are wrapping up a long cycle. My mother has proven over and over she could neither face nor admit to her mistakes, and now that she has lost her mind, she wouldn’t know how or be able to if she wanted to.
I have made my peace with her in the etheric, but there is still a piece of her Spirit that is malicious and is taking aim. Well that’s why Valerie Two Hawks card was in front of me, because the two pages on her site that I mentioned actually talk about that happening. From what I gather, that piece intends to live on in the body of someone younger. Well I’ve stopped that progress, but you can imagine how interesting it is to juggle the knowledge of what is occurring in the background, and what has to be done about it, with a person who doesn’t know any better, and then with the rest of the family who aren’t exactly on my path. I just do it silently, privately, and then I share experiences and results with you all here and with other people doing the same kind of work. It helps us to learn, it helps me to learn how to grow and be more effective, and it is an outlet. And, it helps me to process the stress and burden of my every day life. I’ve mentioned Once Upon A Time…think of how the Queen and Rumpelstiltskin knew what was going on the whole time, and no one else did. They may not be great people, but they did carry a burden and have to work in the background, so that’s why I use their example. It is often a great burden to see deeper into others than the average bear (no pun intended re: the website name!), because you also know the conscious mind may not know what the spirit of said person is capable of or is doing.
I honestly feel as if this entire train of thought is probably confusing, but I was supposed to write it for a reason. Maybe it was for just one person. Who knows. But if it helps another, then it did it’s job 🙂