The energy that I have experienced this year has been astounding. In fact, every time that we have a major gate occur, I end up going very deep within and not wanting to speak, write, or be around anyone else’s energy. It’s like the energy itself is draining and I am already being bombarded with energy from the cosmos. For those of you who know me, these are the times that you see me drop off of the radar. I’m MIA for a week to ten days.
That in and of itself makes me feel defeated. How can I possibly play out my role if I am so weak that I cannot even help myself? My back goes out each time too. Lower back. My circuits get blown out and it short circuits the rest of my body.
I know I sound like I am complaining, but the truth is I’m not. I am more stating a conundrum. Yes, the pain is a pain (LOL) and the weakness sometimes makes me want to throw in the towel. But I get it – I understand the reasons for the body changes (all bodies – physical, etc.). And I’m one for moving forward full steam ahead.
At this point I assume you are wondering how all of this talk of weakness has made me stronger. I’m getting to it. Do you know how sometimes you just take awhile for something to sink in? I mean, you know it, the logic fits, you’ve seen it, you know it’s true, but you just can’t be motivated to actually put yourself into whatever energy it is. Like you know if you keep your house clean you won’t have bugs, but you just don’t do it, and yet you bitch about the bugs? At some point maybe you even resign yourself to the bugs. You learn to live with them. Still don’t like them, but dammit, you are not going to get into the energy of keeping a clean house.
A few weeks ago, just before the gate, I had made enough changes to allow my higher self to “download” a bit more. Kem was coming in. Now he (my higher self energy is a male based energy), Kem, does it subtly so that I don’t normally notice a whole lot until the change has been made. So you can imagine my surprise when one day I had this burning desire to wash my hands after I touched ANYTHING. Nothing wrong with clean hands, but that had never been me over my entire life. I have taught my own daughter to wash hers, but rarely ever washed mine. Gross, I know, but my mom didn’t teach me to do that and so I was not a big hand washer. For those of you who know me personally and physically, don’t worry, I did wash after I visited the bathroom and maybe shook your hand or something. LOL!
After the gate, I also had an urge to clean my house like I haven’t had in years. So things are changing…but subtly. And on the night of the debate this week, well, I got f***ing mad! Madder than I’ve been in a long time over women’s issues, because I perceive that there is no way for me to change things so I do not give it energy. But I was mad. And yesterday I got mad again, at human right’s issues. I decided that it was time to stand up for this. It was a drastic change in the flow of energy for me.
To circle back to what I was initially talking about, this is about a change in the energy flow. It’s sort of a bringing things back into balance and this gate had a lot of that type of energy. In areas where I had given up trying, I became stronger. I decided it was in fact a good thing for me to be present, and to put energy towards my strength in all aspects. It was a good feeling!
The 10/10 gate also opened up the flow of the feminine in a big way. Guys, don’t get the wrong impression. It is the time of the feminine and time for it to take it’s rightful place on this planet. But that doesn’t mean discrimination or ill treatment of men. In fact, if it did, that would be another imbalance that would have to be corrected. Still, imagine if you had been “plugged up” for eons and finally the gate opened? That’s how I feel today, in this body. It is exhilarating! And again, I have this tremendous desire to extend kindness and compassion to the male aspects of everything, but I ain’t in the mood to take any shit either!
This morning Kem and I were talking about my back. I saw my chiropractor yesterday, and it hurts. My pelvis keeps becoming sprained. The muscles do not hold it in place. Well the pelvis is definitely charged with all sorts of male/female type symbolism isn’t it! But nonetheless it hurts. So he said, you know, you may save yourself some pain later if you will just strengthen yourself. I immediately got this picture of me sleeping on the ground, and then of me bent over not being able to walk as tends to happen when I don’t have a chiropractor visit in awhile! LOL Not a good prospect for health and happiness if our way of life is interrupted by anything!
I guess I will have to write another post about the feminine energy, but I just want to close this one by saying how strong I feel today. Even with a hurt back. I feel like I am becoming whole again. It may take until the end of the year, but I know now that I am really going to get there. No longer a pipe dream. It is happening.