Aug 24

Musings for 8/24/2016

It is so hard to keep hope alive when you see the physical world crashing all around you. In recent few weeks, I have seen more people diagnosed as “eaten up with” cancer (as we say in the south). I have seen people with heart problems which are serious. I have seen people plunged into the depths of despair and grief. And that’s just people I know or know of. Then you have the little boy in Syria who was pulled from the rubble, and today a major earthquake in Rome.

Oh, floods in Louisiana. How could I forget that? I know people personally who lost everything. That brings me full circle to the little boy in Syria, his picture emblazoned across social media and probably every major newspaper and magazine by now. They said he didn’t cry or show emotion. That’s what happens when you become numb, pummeled with so much awfulness that you no longer have tears. It’s what you do to protect yourself from completely falling apart. And it’s dangerous in a world which already lacks empathy.

But what else can that poor little boy do? His city is being bombed daily, his family and friends are dying right in front of him, and people across the world don’t want to give his people refuge either because of their religion, skin color, or good old greed (you can’t have mine mentality). He has been stripped to nothing emotionally and it is likely that he will die soon. The physical death I mean, since he is probably emotionally dead already.

This little boy represents all of us. We are all dead in one aspect or another. Did I just mention that our world lacks empathy? That’s about as dead as you can get as a person. It means you are unfeeling, to lack empathy. You can or do not feel others pain and suffering, or joy for that matter. If that is so, how could you possibly feel your own? Rhetorical question…you cannot is the answer.

Yeah, it hurts to feel your own pain, and that of others. You may not be able to do anything possible to “fix” the issue causing you or another pain. But to understand and “get it” means that you can give them the love, respect, and space that they need to heal. Or you. I bet you, who is reading this now, needs to heal something. At least one thing.

I know that the anger being lashed out from everyone upon everything these days, is nothing more than hurt being expressed in the only way a person is able to at that moment. Ah, it hurts to feel that too. It hurts the recipients, and even though the perpetrators may not feel it at the time, somewhere deep down it hurts them too. Yes, words hurt. Please remember that next time you name call, label, exclude someone, etc. It hurts. Please, stop it.

I did not know what I was going to write today but I love how it flowed out. Please, give love and receive it today. If you can’t give it, at least try to receive it. Receive the smile a stranger throws your way, or the thank you that someone meekly says, barely audible, as you  do something nice for them. Take it all the way down into your heart and feel it. It may change your life.

Special love and hugs today to A.D. and D.D. #MissingArcher and #LovingArcher

Hugs, Love, Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, and I am so terribly #missingerin and #LovingErin

Aug 23

Musings for 8/23/2016

I have spent the last several days sick, and tired. I say that in amusement but seriously, so tired that I can hardly function. And of course I started feeling better by Saturday and then promptly kept plans to celebrate birthdays that evening, stayed out too late, and felt bad again on Sunday. I am still fatigued. Thankfully I go back to see the NMD on tomorrow.

So, I may not write when I feel that poorly but I still feel and think, and I went to sleep last night thinking about labels. You know, those things we use in language to divide ourselves from another person or group? To describe ourselves? Really though, how limiting is that! I realized as I was thinking about this that I cannot describe myself using labels of any sort, at least not without qualifiers. I see the world in very complex shades of gray. I don’t take anything at face value and I also don’t stereotype people. I find it very distasteful these days to see the polarizing labels people use. Democrat and Republican, liberal or conservative, black or white, etc. the list goes on. Actually, distasteful doesn’t quite cover it because usually when people use labels such as those, they are using them as an insult. As an “other” – as a “not me because my ideas are better.” I am pretty sure, though, that they don’t realize the impact of what they are throwing out there to the world when they do.

Based on what I see out there, I suppose that since I believe I should be kind and giving to others that I am a liberal. But what does that even mean? I really don’t know. I believe WE should be kind, loving, accepting, and giving to others. Be of service, not to get anything but just because. I could write you a several page essay on my views on that. Like I said – complex shades of gray. And keep in mind that my gray may not be the same shade as the dude sitting next to me who may have been lumped in with me. It’s just not that simple if you take a moment to really think about things.

We have a really troubling mentality in the world today. To get a little metaphysical on you, I learned a long time ago that Earth was supposedly an experiment in polarity. Well, I’d say we are as polarity driven as we are going to get. It’s us vs them all the time, in every thing and every idea. Hey universe – we mastered it! Now can we have some unity please? Thank you.

And actually, the entire polarity and unity things are complex as well. Are we talking about 3D unity? Or something on a higher scale? Because in the 3D you have polarized love and hate. And people don’t even understand love. Everyone thinks it’s romantic, and conditional. You act nicely and I will love you. Unconditional love by it’s very divinity breeds unity. Yes, I said divinity. It’s the Christ consciousness, that stuff Jesus the Christ was talking about 2000 years ago when he was here way before his time. He planted the seed and it’s just now growing, albeit much too slow for my taste. I guess we earthlings are very stubborn.

Other than that troubling me, obviously I had a hard week last week. Two years without the love of my life is more than any one should bear. So I have ups and downs and pick myself up and keep on going. whatever your trouble I hope you are able to do the same, in love and kindness.

Blessings, namaste, nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Aug 12

Musings for 8/12/2016

Ok, so the irony is that I am here typing, but the reality is that I am in a mode again where I am unable to express. I forced myself to begin blogging again the other day and I think it has been helpful even though I haven’t followed through with much of anything else. I have ignored a mentored tarot reading through the ITF (International Tarot Foundation) for the last almost 2 weeks, and finally explained myself. She was gracious enough to let me off the hook and I told her I needed to take a break. I started the reading yesterday and it was actually going to be quite interesting, but I lost the flow and just can’t make myself go back to it. Everything outside of myself is a burden right now.

In fact, I am probably having to take on an extra burden for work next week for four days, and I am honestly mad about it since it’s not my responsibility in the first place. I suppose the person shoving it my way isn’t thinking that Monday won’t be a good day for me, and that Thursday is my birthday and won’t be a good day for me either. Seeing the dates on the calendar just sucks ass. I know they are just days, I know they only have the significance that I assign to them. I also know that no matter how much time has passed, I don’t have to relive the event or the loss of not seeing someone on my birthday, or whatever. But the reality is that I do. So I have to go and smile and shit with people next week when I really do not want to do that. If you run into me with my sparkling attitude next week, it’s all fake in case you wonder.

And here’s another irony…I’m about to talk about Joy. I haven’t really consulted my guidance, meditated, or anything of the sort in a bit now, but last week I was told loud and clear that the key to everything is the vibration of joy. I had to write a specific friend and admit that I was having trouble with the idea of accepting Joy into my life. I haven’t yet admitted it publicly so here I am. How do you invite Joy in, when everything that should be joyful is missing something integral to the joy? And here I am going to go all psycho analytical on me and you too…Joy comes from within, not with out. You don’t find joy outside of yourself. It doesn’t need any one or any thing else to happen.

But everyone who has come across that epiphany hasn’t lost their child. I’ve learned these things since I’ve been grieving. I have said it before but I have had to eat many words I spewed out upon others as self-help type teachings. I’ve felt myself cringe when replaying things I’ve said to others, knowing now that I had no context and thus no empathy for them. I have realized that NO WHERE in self-help, metaphysical teachings, religious teachings, or even grief counseling does anything address, or adequately address, the loss of a child. Nothing, nowhere. I promise you that. And I have come to the mental conclusion that it is because there is no cure for this ill. No one knows how to make the hurting stop, and no one knows how to help.

Those that think they know how, it’s clear they have not lost a child. I don’t know how to help you either. I have cried for many friends who I have seen go through my pain since mine began, knowing it’s a freaking life sentence. it’s a death sentence. You’re screwed. And all of the shit that people say to be helpful is more hurtful for the most part. I can’t very well write and sell a book called You’re Screwed now can I? Why is buying that? Well maybe the people who want the painful truth instead of the other shit well-meaning people and grief counselors tell them. But most people don’t want that.

As a reminder, I’m not a licensed counselor but I had years of emotional clearing experience and training from a metaphysical teacher. Had I NOT had this life experience, I would have been so much worse off than I am. I had done very much inner work that had prepared me for the shit storm of, well, shit, that I’ve been through over the past few years. Which is why I didn’t find grief counseling all that helpful. I had done the majority of work that they prescribed before. I did find some of it helpful though and had a really nice counselor. I probably should have told her I was done and gave her a goodbye. Anyway…

Since nothing can relieve my pain, I have tried to focus on being a better person. For many reasons really. First, I do not want Erin’s body’s death to be in vain. I need to ensure it has some value and in that sense, I will do what I’m called to do. I haven’t been very proactive but my adult life has been on a track towards helping others. And I think that becoming a better person and helping others is a nice tribute to her. She was kind and loving and helpful, and so I want to be more so. Also, I am a firm believer that if I don’t live out my purpose here, I will have failed and have to reincarnate again and go through the same heartache and pain. I need to get this right, whatever right is. But I can’t get it right if I throw the towel in and leave this body. It’s not my time yet, or I would have died of heart break already. And on a slightly different bent, I understand what so many are going through. If helping them is simply telling them that I love them and I care, well, then pencil me in for the remainder of my life here.

The biggest irony is that I never understood, not in my heart or fully, unconditional love until Erin was gone. It could have been beautiful if I had while she was still here, but it took her passing out of my sight and grasp for me to download that into my being and feel it in my heart. That really sucks, but in another way it has completely changed my life. I see on a daily basis that people don’t understand unconditional love. They misjudge it, reject it, and mostly because they don’t feel it. They can’t get it if they don’t feel it, and I don’t know how to give it to them. I guess with my actions and emotions. Maybe I am now an unconditional love inoculation device. I’ll go with that. It makes me feel like I have a purpose. LOL

And so I’m gong to stop this long rambling now and get more coffee. I really had no idea what I was going to say when I began, which is why I like blogging so much. You’re not hearing the mental me, you’re hearing what’s deep inside of me pouring out onto paper (well, screen).

I love you all and send you blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3 <3

Aug 11

Musings for 8/11/2016

Every day brings new understandings and discoveries. You just have to be aware of your thoughts and feelings and environment and then, well, it’s amazing what you notice.

For instance, this morning I was sitting here working and felt a huge, horrible punch in my gut. I wasn’t consciously thinking of Erin, but I knew immediately what that feeling was. I also realized that I don’t have to be wrapped up in my thoughts (i.e., mental) to be grieving. I think that’s important for those without context to get. We can’t just forget about it…or we can, but it doesn’t fix the issue. Grieving is a physical body, biological and mental and emotional body, whole Self thing. It is 24/7 and it never turns off. It changes is all. Today was a change. I have not yet experienced this particular flavor of grief and that’s why I’m writing about it.

I also realized that I have reached another milestone. I no longer have the need to explain to anyone why I know I will see Erin again, or to debate about how that will happen, or to even tell them for that matter. (Yes, I realize I’m telling it now.)  It’s a given, and it will happen and “soon” by some universal standard at least. Having that knowing makes me feel somewhat better. I wonder how people who have resigned to the “fact” that they will never see their loved ones again feel? Worse than I do I’m sure. I can’t say if they will see them again or not and so I can’t give anyone hope, except that miracles do and will continue to happen. It doesn’t matter what usually happens, has happened, or you’ve been told is or isn’t possible. You listen to your own guidance. I did, and it was miraculously validated several times by people I didn’t even know. Now that is astounding and something to get excited about.

In other news, this week I have seen fear rule. It rules people’s hearts and minds, and it results in ugly, ugly behavior and words. It rules in the name of religion, in the name of jealousy, in the name of all things good and bad, yet, it’s a terrible illusion. When we start looking at people heart to heart, instead of ego to ego, then you will know who and what is worthy of fear.

I’ll give you a few examples. When I grew up in the south, I was told all sorts of very ugly and untrue things about black people. And as a young child, I’m sure that I believed that they were true and applied to all black people. But as I grew, I met black people – all sorts of people really – and I never had another thought about what I had been told because I looked into their hearts. Have I ever met a terrible black person? Sure. And lots of awful white people too. They aren’t awful because they are black or white. They are awful because they are assholes. Get it?

A slightly different flavor…have you ever thought…Well that should make me mad. That is disrespectful. Blah blah. I have. I have as recently as this year in fact, and I had to think about it, because I wasn’t mad, and I didn’t feel disrespected. I still had ingrained societal “should’s” bothering me though, so thankfully my heart knew what was what.

I got interrupted and have lost my flow of thought, so I’ll just go ahead and end today’s musing with this: You are Love(d) and you are Beauty. <3 <3

Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Aug 08

Musings for 8/8/2016

For those of you who follow it, today is the Lions Gate 8-8. On top of that, the energy coming off the sun is geomagnetic storm high and we are being bombarded with all sorts of cosmic energy. Good thing too, because otherwise I might just sink into a pit of despair.

If you have followed my blog for the last two years, I know it’s been pretty pitiful. If I have taught anything from my being and my words, I hope it is that grief does not end. It doesn’t get better. It does change, and sometimes from day to day just like a yo-yo going up and down or the moon waxing and waning. Today I am … OK. Tomorrow, perhaps not so much. I do know that 2 years ago today I still did not know that Erin’s body was dying. I was, however, too upset to think too much about it being Greg’s birthday, but still thought we would have a wake for him when Erin got out of the hospital. Needless to say we never had Greg’s wake and of course, Erin never came home from the hospital.

I know that many of you who read me here are not the same audience who might read my articles on emotional health, metaphysics, etc. So I really do try to accommodate you all by not getting too deep. I certainly don’t want to turn anyone off due to religious affiliation, etc. But I ask you to keep an open mind and to also know that words are just words. Sometimes what we see and feel in our hearts is nearly the same, but we mince words and well, become divided. I say this only because it’s time for me to get back to my work and that is…ummm…healer of souls. You laugh? Me too 🙂

Not too long ago someone asked me what my specialty was and before I knew it I had blurted out healing souls. Anyway, my particular niche I think is to help people work through their emotional patterns and to know that they are loved. Now that’s a very broad generalization but I know you didn’t come here to read that today. If you did, drop me a comment below or ask a question and I’ll get to it ASAP.

I want to take the time now, though, to remember my friend Lisa Lessard. I wrote about Lisa recently, well a few months ago, and posted the beautiful necklace that she had sent me and the key chain that she had sent Shaun. Lisa was from CO, and we had originally been FarmVille friends on FaceBook. When Erin’s body died, she asked for a bracelet, and wrote to tell me she wore it every day and that it gave her comfort, and lots of sweet other things. She was very special to me and, well, she passed away around a month ago from cancer.

I have wondered if this is too personal to share, but her niece sent me a lovely note and a few gifts after Lisa passed. The note says:

Dearest Nicole,

You have been a very important part of my life. You have given to so many people even as you go through your heart break. Amazingly, through your pain, you have helped myself and countless others face their problems with a “can do” spirit. Erin Alyssa and I are going Fishing!



I have experienced so much beauty and kindness in the past 2 years that I cannot possibly put it into words. But I think that maybe the energy in Lisa’s letter to me embodies it, and so I decided to share it with you. I remember each of you reaching out, may not remember exactly what you said but I remember that you cared. I remember the donations that kept us out of debt, and I have recovered enough emotionally that I feel guilty for taking them! I remember those who brought food, who took me to lunch when I didn’t want to leave the house, who sat with me as I cried (and told me not to feel stupid afterwards). I remember…whatever it was…I remember. And I am still and forever grateful.

I haven’t written in a month because I’ve been in a funk again. Not the same sort of funk but a funk nevertheless. I haven’t read tarot, I haven’t meditated, I have just zoned out as much as possible. I know I have to attend to me, and to you, again as I feel the call. Funny week to send me a nudge guys (talking to my team).

Please send Shaun and I some love over the airwaves as we come up on 8/14. We miss her so much, it’s beyond belief.

Love, blessings, nutsmaste and Namaste, and #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Jul 11

Musings for 7/11/2016

It seems that I spend most of my days in complete and utter dread. Every day brings me closer to some anniversary of something that I wish had not occurred, brings me pain, and that I have to try to ignore. I have been on hyper sensitive mode lately, so if you think I have ignored your pain anytime we have interacted lately, you’re right. I have. I have to. I cannot bear mine and even acknowledging yours. Yeah I know how that sounds, but it’s the best I can do for now. I would like to do better in the near future.

I am trying to keep following the path that the universe has set forth for me. I haven’t mentioned that in a long while so let me give you an update. I figured out that I need to give myself a break on all of the guilt and regret that I carry. Easier said than done but at least I understand now that I actually got the message. I made tremendous mistakes throughout life, in many areas, and I kept making them. I wasn’t always being selfish, but I certainly didn’t know how to get my needs met in a functional way. Fear of “losing” something was a lot of my problem. Losing “Me” time, losing my identity, giving more than I thought I should have to because it was someone else’s turn to do ???, whatever. But I got the message. I learned. I understand and I am painfully aware. I am afraid I would make the same mistakes again, but I don’t think I would. Most of my dysfunction now comes from a place of misery and trying to drown that out. So I passed the test finally. I got an A.

I could say “at what cost?” but then that’s going back to a really “3D” perspective on existence. By 3D, I mean, a materialistic egocentric viewpoint. But anyway, why you ask? LOL Well because I believe that our soul never dies. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe I am here to experience and thus to learn. I believe that one day I will be released from this life and go back home, wherever that is, or at least be free to resume a happy life on some other plane of existence. Still, here I am stuck in this linear time based BS and to put it plainly, it really sucks.

And so if I believe all of that crap (said tongue in cheek), then I am really getting the bang for my buck in regards to experience. I really hit the gold mine when my child died didn’t I? I should be thankful, full of gratitude, knowing it’s all an illusion. Blah blah blah. Really, most of the spiritual or religious crap that people use to try and console themselves, just doesn’t do it for me. It doesn’t do it for most people who are truly suffering. There is no one who can help me but me, and that’s the irony. The most recent analogy given to me in meditation is that there is some magic code to the emotion of Joy that I have to figure out, and once I open that lock and turn the door handle, it all comes together. I just have to hit that vibration once and BOOM, there we go. It’s all about vibration/frequency/harmonics you know. Why do you think Heaven is “up?” Because you “rise” to get there. Rise in frequency. And personally, I think heaven is anywhere that isn’t here. This is basically a pretty planet but damn, life here is harsh and it sucks. I would like my check please and a cab ride home. Does Uber travel the frequency octaves?

I had no idea that I was going to blog all of that today. Really I had meant to talk about #BlackLivesMatter. I had an epiphany yesterday that really sort of embarrassed me but I want to share it anyway. So I was ashamed when I suddenly realized when I have been hearing that black lives matter, that it made me feel like my white life didn’t matter. Like black people were saying that. Hmmm…they weren’t and nope, it wasn’t implied either. So why did I react that way? I can hide it from you, but I can’t hide how I felt from me and so out with it! I’ve been mulling it over ever since, trying to clear up those inferior emotions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with black lives mattering or the #BlackLivesMatter movement. And yes, I still say that every life matters, but I get why we need to all get our heads out of our asses about black lives right now. By the way my white friends…it’s implied that white lives matter. Everywhere, every day. White Privilege is a real thing, it’s just never talked about and many of us never realize that it even exists until we see someone non-white being mistreated. On that note, I would submit to you all that it’s not just non-white lives, though, that are devalued. It’s more than likely a socioeconomic thing that is perpetrated top-down. Someone should do a study on that.

So folks, no one is trying to tell you that your life doesn’t matter. It does. But for Pete’s sake, can we stand up and say that we value black lives? I can – #BlackLivesMatter . I mean that. Because #EveryLIfeMatters and that means non-human too. I admonish you all to stop being selfish, and stop being afraid. I was afraid, afraid of being excluded. But that’s not it. I saw a great analogy the other day in regards to Bob is Hungry…Bob Deserves Food. Someone said Everyone Deserves Food. Ok, so they do. But that’s not helping Bob, who has no food. Bob Deserves Food!

I guess that is my PSA for the day, or the week. I really don’t know what else to do but to share my experiences, inner and outer, with you guys. That’s why I do it. If it has value to me, maybe it does for someone else. I have the strangest urge now to quote Kid Rock so I will – Now get in the pit and try to love someone! LOL Ok, now that’s out of my system…

Peace, love, kindness, blessings, Nutsmaste, Namaste, #missingerin, and #LovingErin <3

Jul 05

Musings for 7/5/2016

Oh boy am I depressed. I hate to admit it, mostly to myself, because it feels so damn bad and I don’t want to have to face facts that I feel this shitty. Two years ago we had a lovely July 4th, watched fireworks with Erin and friends at the Hampton House and it was a lot of fun. I remember I had a beer and she spanked my bottom. Mommy didn’t drink around Erin because my mother was a drunk and I never appreciated it to say the least. Anyway, I told her I was only having one or two if that was ok with her. Barely a month later and she was in ICU dying. Who knew 🙁

We did run into an old friend on Sunday while visiting the Elks Lodge. That was nice and uplifting. I gave her my message of Love and it made me feel good to pass that on. Love is really a cure all you know? Ah, but when you don’t feel much self love the feeling doesn’t last. By any standard I have a lot to be in gratitude for, but I’ve got that wound that won’t heal. So it’s pain and suffering, no matter what I do.

I wondered when i started writing why I continue to share this with you all. The only answer I could come up with is that those of you who have no context, well, know that it doesn’t end and to be kind to your grieving friends. We can’t just feel better. It doesn’t work that way. I know I’ve said it before but here I am saying it again. It’s a life sentence in the worst prison imaginable.

News and social media isn’t very uplifting either, really. Murders, wars, politics, finger pointing, my god is better than yours, you are bad, those people over there are bad, blah blah, fear of economic collapse, the list goes on those are just what came to mind. Do you know how much time and energy we as a collective spend on anger and fear? Shit tons. There is no unity. I’m not even sure what unity looks like to be honest. The EU isn’t unity, and the US isn’t unity either. We say we celebrate differences but we don’t, we shun them and bully them out of the general population.

It occurs to me that realism is depressing. Guess that’s why most people live in a fantasy land of whatever it is that floats their boat while they overlook what’s really going on. That’s ok if that’s the best you can do. I get it. I do the best I can each day to survive just like you. Today I am barely doing it. Tomorrow, might be better.

Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Jun 27

Musings for 6/27/2016

Undercurrents…of ??? Many things. I see undercurrents everywhere these past few days and while there is progress, there is a lot of unseen happening all around us. That’s not news, because there always is, but what I see isn’t necessarily on the positive spectrum.

They upset me too, these undercurrents. And truthfully I don’t like it. I don’t like not being in control of being in balance, and having my  heart chakra upset over things that really do not immediately affect my life. So why do I feel so passionately about some of this stuff? Well, more layers for me to clear in order to release judgments, pain, attachment, and go further into balance and the All That Is.

I know for some of you I am rambling aimlessly. Others will grok this in an instant. Ah, but now I have to get this all out.

Yesterday I read someone’s post, and I wish I had not read it at all. It basically stated that if you are asked to pray fro someone, and you send good vibes or anything but prayer, you clearly aren’t a Christian and your good vibes, etc. are not wanted or needed. And in addition, this person was mad about someone who did send good vibes. Wow. I really don’t know what to say. I didn’t want to have hurt feelings but I did. Nope, I wasn’t in any way part of the original conversation or the current one, in fact I hid it from my feed. Is my Love sent any less valuable than someone else’s prayers? I know it is not, but yeah I felt that way. I won’t withhold my Love from that person and may get chewed out for it later on, but still, the judgment hurt because my ego got hurt. It will pass, I will integrate this and learn from it. Thank you to the person who posted for the value, if you are reading, and know that I don’t want to judge you any more than you judged me.

Then there is the whole Mary Magdalene being accepted as an apostle by the Catholic Church. Well that’s what’s going around FB anyway, but that wasn’t what they said. They simply gave her the same “calendar year” apostle status by granting her a feast day. Progress yes, but do not kid yourselves, religion will not elevate a woman to a man’s status without being forced, and that doesn’t really achieve any loving goals. And again, why do I care? I really don’t, but it bothers me that so many people are parroting back the statement and it’s simply not what it seems. Now why does that bother me? I do not know. I’m almost ashamed to have even written about it. but that’s more than enough reason to look at it. Need to purge this from my system too.

There’s more than this brewing under the surface but honestly at this point I would just be bitching about other people, so I have to condense the emotions into what is really bothering me. If you didn’t figure it out yet, I don’t yet know. All of this stuff is a symptom of the real issue…whatever that is. When I figure it out I will let you know in case maybe it helps you.

I sense a long road ahead for everything that the intense energies of the solstice brought up. A very long road. I don’t know if that’s just for me or for others too. I’m almost too tired for it, but alas, I always comply with what the universe asks of me. Onward and upward I guess…

Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Jun 22

Musings for 6/22/2016

As I typed my very bland title (LOL), I heard two song verses in my mind. The first was “Off we go, into the wild blue yonder.” The second was Tom Petty singing “Into the great wide open, under those skies of blue…” I have to say that I do not have the foggiest idea what that is about yet, and put the emphasis on foggy. I am very tired, slept 14 hours last night and am still in a daze I’m so groggy. And just in case anyone can decode all of this for me today, I typed “horus” instead of hours in the previous sentence before I corrected it, so it actually read “14 horus.” I am too pooped to consider the numerology (it’s a 5), but I did Google Horus (too pooped to pull it from memory) and oddly, the first link was to “Jesus and Horus.” Never seen that in a sentence before, but I get the link between.

Also interesting is that when Osiris (Horus’ father) was killed, he was chopped into 14 pieces. Again, too pooped to party here but it is interesting to me anyway.

That said, it occurs to me that some of this is indicative of going through the underworld and then rebirth into the light, and thus into Love. It’s a vibration, a frequency, a harmonic, and so it is entirely a different world than the one we inhabit today.

Anyway, yesterday I had lunch with an old friend who shared her journey of pain and love with me. I say pain and love because while different from my own, she has had a journey of suffering over her lifetime, and yet she reacts with Love. I am honored to be walking this path with her and I know there are more of us out there. Every time we act and react with Love, we make a difference. Love and kindness are the best weapons ever, I kid you not. 🙂

That’s all I can eek out in my foggy state. Really, I am in danger of falling asleep as I type this. Wish me luck in waking up!

Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Jun 20

Musings for 6/20/2016

SummerSolsticeFor the last several years, Erin and I would color beautiful mandalas for the Summer Solstice and then go spend some time outside in nature. We would read summer solstice stories that almost always involved fairies and other elemental creatures, and of course their gratitude for the life-giving light of the sun. I don’t do any of those things anymore, but I would be remiss if I didn’t recognize this magically energetic time of year.

From a metaphysical standpoint, this is a time of immense growth possibilities. Sometimes we call it a portal opening and closing, or a gate. The idea is that just as the “veil” is thin for instance during the time of Halloween, so it is also during solstices and equinoxes. It allows us some extra energy movement, as well as perhaps some help from “above,” in becoming better versions of ourselves.

For some on an intense spiritual path, the energy can be overwhelming near a solstice or equinox. Its as if it beams directly at us, making us tired, feel bad, etc. Really it is purifying and cleansing our bodies as we imbibe the pure white light energy coming from the creator source. Ok, now I’ve gone all off in the clouds on everyone. Let me come back down to earth LOL.

So yesterday was Father’s Day. I know at least one of you wants to know…yes, it sucked. Sucked a big one (you insert what you want for “one.” I have several entries for that.). There was at least a couple of people who still don’t seem to understand that while you may still celebrate it, we do not. BECAUSE IT IS PAINFUL TO US, LIKE BEING ON A BED OF NAILS. Or maybe having your fingernails ripped out. I realize that not everyone is cognizant of being selfish. But next time it gets brought up, I plan to tell you – again – how painful holidays are for us. I’ll do it politely, but I plan to tell you.

I also explained to someone else last week that going to a holiday, or family, function would be akin to being tortured the entire time. That person understood what I was saying but so many do not. I really don’t know why you can’t hear or understand that I am in pain (those of you who can’t). I’m in pain, Shaun is in pain. Period. We will not be saying yes to doing holidays etc. Sorry but that’s how it is.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, the Solstice energy has certainly shined a light on these feelings for me. I do need to express them, and will do so as kindly as I can. I don’t want to lash out and hurt any of you any more than I would want you to hurt me. And I can’t run from them either. So here they are, for all of you to see, ugly as the light hits them. I know they are ugly. I’m sorry you have to see them but somehow I feel it is necessary.

And here I am going all existential, so I will just leave it as Happy Solstice to you now. Blessings, namaste, nutmaste, I Love you, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3



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