Sep 24

Musings for 9/24/2016

I meant to write several days this week but it wasn’t coming out. In fact I’m still a bit verbally constipated (hehehe), but I feel like I have to speak so here goes.

This past week was the equinox and a continuance of the cosmic energies coming onto our planet and thus into our bodies. It’s more than a metaphysical concept. There were actual cosmic energies streaming onto the planet at a great rate (see SuspiciousObservers YouTube channel for more info and follow Not only are those energies correlated now, scientifically, with an uptick in volcanic and quake activity, they also are correlated with people “acting crazy.” You saw a lot of crazy these past few weeks didn’t you? It’s still going on, and may get worse. People react in ways that they can mentally and emotionally handle, and as you know some people cannot handle mental and/or emotional stress. Even for those of us seasoned in dealing with our emotions, it’s tough sometimes.

I spent the week before the equinox down in the dumps but I knew that I had to rise above it somehow. I know that the key to my rebirth is not going to be found in the depths of despair, but hell, how do you find hope in a max security prison? LOL I can commiserate with the other prisoners all I want, and even the guards (time, mortality), but that ain’t ending my sentence.

Well, I at least found the key and doorway to get me to a lower super max prison this past week. I was driving to a small business event I had to attend on Thursday morning, listening to a rather interesting video on YouTube, when it hit me. For those of you who don’t know, quick flash back. Around 15 years ago I started on a path of emotional clearing (dealing with emotional issues, resolving them within me) based on the Keys of Compassion by Jelaila Starr. It was a tough period for my close relationships but it changed my life and gave me tools to deal with stuff. So back to my story. Suddenly it dawned on me that I had not yet released, nor found compassion for, well, Me. All of the regret I feel, things done and undone, said and unsaid, I blame myself for and pay a penance for it daily. I may as well be one of those medieval fellows who went around flogging themselves (the flagellants?). The day of the equinox and I finally had a breakthrough. I had been at it hard all week trying to clear as much baggage as I could, and there it was. Ah-ha!

I came home that night and took a nice salt bath, lit a candle, and asked my team to join me. I normally call in AA Michael, Maya (my soul identity), Kem (a future self that assists), St Germain, Kutumi, and anyone else who wants to help including Erin. Once I was sufficiently settled in my bath, I asked my inner child, who calls herself Hyacinth, to come forward and I apologized to her. I told her I was sorry that I keep blaming her, and that I released us from blame. Immediately in my mind’s eye she gave me a big hug. By the way, she looks like me when I was about 3 years old, right down to an outfit I had a picture made in with my mom and dad. So I knew I was on the right track. I then told her that while we had the knowledge to act differently, do things differently, and possibly the wisdom, we did the best we could at the time. And that now it is time to hand things over to our higher mind (Maya) and that we DID successfully learn the lesson. We gained the wisdom we were meant to and we changed. We changed beyond our wildest expectations. And it is painful, but that I don’t blame us anymore. I am still very sad, deeply sad, but I let go of the blame.

For a lifetime I have been working on responsibility of some sort, but much of that overall life-lesson has to do with responsibility in my relationships with others. I had a taste of it when Nicholas, my beloved Siamese Flame Point, died in 1999. Then I had another taste of it when one of my grandmothers died when Erin was about a year old. But I never changed my habits. Arguments, etc. I just swept under the rug, many times not having empathy or context for how I hurt someone else. But the deaths I mentioned above, I regretted not spending more time, not saying and doing. It made me realize that life was short (for us) and that I needed to experience and live. But that’s as far as it got. It was all mental, and the emotional pain faded. I would refuse to allow Nicholas’ memory in because it made me cry even years later, so he was out of sight out of mind. I loved my grandmother but she became a fond memory. I continued to have failed relationship and responsibility issues for years after that, the details of which are too many to discuss here but the fact remains. It was not until I took responsibility for being here, present, embodied and thus responsible for my words and actions recently that I was able to see the blame I was inflicting on a constant basis. If I refuse to blame others, why was I still blaming myself?

Releasing someone from blame doesn’t get them off the hook for responsibility. I am still responsible for whatever I did or didn’t so, say, etc. However, we all deserve more love and not less, and to be released from a sentence of constant blame. When we blame, we do not take responsibility for our part of (insert here) and thus we are not able to move forward. It’s interesting, and a little convoluted, to describe the relationship with blaming one’s self and I’m not sure I can do that in a short blog post, but you get the idea. As the blamer, it was really me who was suffering (doubly since I was also the blamee!). It’s the same as holding a grudge. It hurts you the most.

In other news, I started the couch to 5K again last Wednesday and so far have actually gone outside and ran three days this week. And I’ve lost a pound, something that had eluded me for almost a year now. I may have to go buy some MSM for my joints but I am pleased with that and hope I can fit back into my new clothes that I grew out of soon! LOL Hey, a girl can wish for her clothes to fit well can’t she?

I know this goes without saying, but please – on behalf of grievers and those who have lost children everywhere – don’t think that I have or am “getting over it.” You don’t get over losing your child. Ever. You are welcome to help me celebrate my forward movement on my journey, but please understand that this is not a heal-able wound. I feel obligated to say this, as there are many of us suffering silently. Thank you for understanding, as much as can be understood in this situation.

I love you all. Peace, blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Sep 21

Musings for 9/21/2016

treeToday I want to write about the bounty of love and what it means to be without fear. They go hand in hand. You cannot be in the vibration of love and be fearful in any meaningful way. It sounds cliche, but Love truly conquers all, is all you need, blah blah and etc. etc.

For the past 3 days, I have been in some new vibration of … joy perhaps? Love for sure. Embodiment as well. What does this mean? I’ll explain.

I admit when I started writing this I didn’t realize I would have to look up Joy, and then vibration. Sometimes it is extremely hard to convey an idea in English (or any language for that matter). Can I just send you a telepathic vibe and you get it? It was worth a try. But I digress. I found an interesting article that not only explained vibrations and alignment and it also taught me something. I was about to write “I am afraid I have found peace.” Do you hear my limiting words there? I’m afraid…perhaps I am, because I am not completely comfortable aligning myself with peace. But let’s save that for another time and go with this article at Here is an excerpt but I urge you to take a second to read it anyway.

You have most likely heard the saying “like attracts like”.  That is exactly what energetic vibration is – what vibration we send out, we attract back into our lives.  You cannot pick up a frequency that you are not on. If you are listening to 93.1 FM you cannot pick up 108.3FM; to do that you need to tune into that station.  Your energetic vibration works the same way, if you want to feel more joy for example you need to align to that vibration.

It began with me taking responsibility. I had to take responsibility for my feelings and my actions, and be present. Wow that was hard. It was so much easier at times to just say F-it and zone out or do whatever I wanted with no care for the consequences. Not only did that leave me in a spot where I was not rising above the grief I deal with, it also meant that I was creating new situations that came with negative emotions. I think I went an entire year where I was wavering between “This isn’t who I am or want to be” and “Who cares, what’s the use anyway.” So I became responsible for my actions and reactions, stay present, and deal with things in the moment. So far so good.

Last Saturday evening I was at a bar watching football. There were two guys who were probably the rudest, most obnoxious humans I’ve been around in awhile. They were so bad I found myself wanting to go rip them a new one and I found them hard to ignore. At some point though, I remembered that they needed more love not less. I mentally told them I love you, and may you be blessed. Looking back they seemed to have calmed down a bit and finally left. But either way I felt better and was back in the vibration of love. I find myself there most of the time lately, and it’s a good “clean” feeling. That was the word that wanted to be written, so let’s go with clean!

This has all fostered a state of embodiment, where my higher mind isn’t so much higher anymore. I don’t have to reach so far to commune with my soul essence. I have ascended some and it has descended some more. Perhaps a good common usage word is simply a state of enlightenment. I certainly feel enlightened (and wish I was actually lighter! LOL). At any rate, I feel completely different about my environment, the world, you, and everything.

In this state, I have no real fears. There is no doom and gloom, only information to be processed. I do fall back down into grief, and sadness, but I love myself for it because it’s because I love and miss my daughter. Now that I know what this higher vibration feels like, it is fairly easy to rise back up to it quickly.

Now I know why I wrote the word clean. I told a friend earlier today that if the world ended tomorrow, I feel like my heart is clean and no harm will come to me. No real harm. Whatever comes next, I’m ready.

That’s it for today. Love, Namaste, Peace, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3 < 3

Sep 12

Musings for 9/12/2016

Today’s blog has a more serious tone. Sorry folks, but sometimes we have to really open our eyes to what is happening around us. I have long felt that the most important thing to open our eyes to, though, is to ourselves.

What brought this up for me was last night trying to sleep, I was reminded of a recurring irritation that I’ve been having, with ME, about my response to my friend JK about those K-Cup things. I posted awhile ago about a K-Cup margarita maker and she replied with some truth, telling me those things do not biodegrade and are killing the environment.

I realized immediately after my reply, which was short and possibly rude, that while I did not know that they harmed the environment etc., this was an inconvenience for me and I didn’t want to hear it. I was embarrassed but promptly buried it. Or so I thought, because I’ve already said it keeps coming back up in my mind.

First let me say that I apologize to JK for being short in my reply. I said “No I didn’t know” or something like that, but the energy behind it effectively shut down the conversation. And I apologize to Me because, well, I didn’t do myself any good service by turning a blind eye to the truth.

I knew I had to write about this today and yet I still ignored it. Then the very last available YouTube video on my Subscription feed was this lady talking about her channel being attacked and how people are uncomfortable hearing truths. LOL! Ok, good one guys. I get it. Enough said. And so here I am sharing with you all.

There are many reasons why people do not want to hear truths. Maybe they are painful. Sometimes they are horrific, or about someone they know and love but not in a good way. Maybe acknowledging them and not taking action would make you a “bad person.” Blah blah etc. etc. But the one thing that stands alone is that they are often-times INCONVENIENT. Yep, I’m channeling Al Gore here. An inconvenient truth.

Inconvenient because I have to stop buying K-Cups (I don’t even own a K-Cup type of machine, by the way, LOL!). Inconvenient because I have to apologize for my rude behavior. Inconvenient because I have to admit to Me that I acted in a way I wouldn’t want someone to have acted towards me, and that I was very service to self in not giving a damn about others (the environment affects us all). And inconvenient because all of this has wasted my damn time. I could have been doing something more enjoyable, or attended to it sooner, blah blah etc. etc.

I also have to inconveniently take responsibility for discerning truth from lies. Here’s an easy example: The bug spray is perfectly safe for you to use. The label says so. Everyone uses it. The authorities say so. But in reality, is it? Chemicals are never safe. They are not natural, they are created in a lab, our bodies absorb them, and they are toxic to bugs (thus to other living things). I’m an intelligent being and I just gave you what’s off the top of my head without researching each chemical component of bug spray. I used my mind. But I could have opted out of responsibility and truth by just stopping at “They say it’s safe. Everyone uses it.”

And let me tell you something folks…knowledge is certainly power but comes at a price. You can’t have it both ways or you majorly #FAIL. Having knowledge, I cannot use the bug spray any more than I can use the K-Cup. Perhaps only if my life is in immediate danger or some other strange circumstance. At any rate it’s not always fun. So what’s a person to do then?

You don’t dwell on the negative. Switch your attention and focus to something more enjoyable. You don’t have to discard the knowledge, just don’t live in the negative emotions you may have towards it. Do feel them, then thank them and send them on their way. If you are like me and tend to overthink things, get yourself a plan. If I find myself without coffee and the only way to get some is to use a K-Cup, I’m sure I can find a way to empty it and put it in a recycle bin. If I am somewhere and somehow required to use bug spray, I will comply but with peaceful dissent. I am not in control of anything but my actions and reactions. If it was a life or death situation I would make a less peaceful dissent, but that’s what my brain is for. Which is the whole point – use your brains, and your emotions, discern truth, and act accordingly. It’s simple when you take the “monkey mind” out of it.

And with that, my monkey mind has stopped the flow. Love and Blessings, Peace and Namaste, some Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Sep 11

Musings for 9/11/2016

Boy do I have a lot to write about today, but first I will go ahead with the obligatory remembrance of 9/11. While some see it differently, me and many others like me saw it at the time as an event that resulted in an outpouring of compassion instead of something else. Compassion for our fellow humans, both “victim” and other. For those of you who know me, no I do not believe the official story. But, I did witness the horror that the perpetrators visited upon Earth, for the entirety of our planet was affected and continues to be today in so many ways. I invite you to choose Love instead of hate, vengeance, fear, or anything else really. Just choose Love.

Now back to me 🙂 I have a very self-serving need to express myself today. Never in my life before the past two years have I had such introspection on a daily basis. I did a lot of introspection when I went through the emotional clearing processes that I learned back in the late 90’s, but nothing like this. Then I had to go looking for what was affecting me. Now it slaps me right in the face on an almost constant basis.

I had a very nice week in FL and was kept quite busy. On a few occasions I had to look away from things – families, children, etc. – but for the most part I was in a nice joyful bubble and quite enjoyed myself for the first extended time in awhile with just a few bumps in the road. The morning I woke up longing for Erin was hard as was that day, but I’m speaking overall.

That promptly ended in the airport yesterday. I saw more little girls and their daddies and mommies than I could withstand. In the line to get on one plane, I stood behind one of them and quietly cried. My face gets beet red and swollen when I cry just a little, so I had to hold it in or I would have looked a mess for 30-40 minutes. But I had to let it out for a minute or two.

Coming home wasn’t any better. I have trouble leaving my house…seems I also have trouble coming home to it after an extended absence. I really expected her to be here. And I was so tired I had to take a nap, but so sad that I cried myself to sleep.

The irony is that earlier in the day I had been thinking of packing up her things when we eventually move, wondering if I really wanted to leave this house. Almost deciding I did not. We have an open house today…so it came up in my mind. I believe that I got my answer, though. I just can’t stay here. I had a day full of PTSD experiences yesterday and certainly being here does not help me to focus elsewhere. This was supposed to be my sanctuary, but instead it became failed dreams and sadness.

I guess I will get a final answer from the Universe today. I feel strongly we may get a buyer this time. But who knows. I have to let it go and let the Great Mystery handle it.

In other news, I began reading the RA Material (Law of One) yesterday and it made a lot of sense. I wonder why I haven’t read it before to be honest, but it makes sense in a way because I’m embarking on a new stage of my journey. I could feel that strongly this week. Change is messy, though, and so I would rather it just be instantaneous. Plus I’m weary. I have nothing left but Love inside of me. I hope something nice grows from that.

Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Sep 09

Musings for 9/9/2016

What an exciting week! I hope everyone enjoyed all of the rocket and space sharings on FaceBook. Thank you for indulging my nerdiness and letting me share it with you. Several years ago I had the pleasure of taking a tour of the shuttle Atlantis before it was ready for it’s last voyage. I have supported NASA either directly or indirectly for the last 12 years and I have really just been very lucky, and been in the right place at the right time with the right people, to be able to see these behind the scenes things like the shuttle and the VAB (Vertical Assembly Building). Yes, I do believe in the Secret Space Program (for whoever wonders) but that in no way diminishes my love for NASA and those who participate in the agency. When you support something and know the people, it instills a pride in you that otherwise you can’t imagine.

I’m also a life-long Star Trek fan, and the OSIRIS-REx/Atlas V just happened to launch on the 50th anniversary. I was lucky to meet the mission manager, and asked him if he planned that after he shared he too was a Star Trek fan. No, wasn’t planned (or was it? LOL!) but still a very neat synchronicity.

Now most of you know that I have been trying to find a pathway to Joy, and I’ve written about it a lot lately. I realized on Monday when I flew down here that it was a key component in changing my reality. I say that – I realized and FELT it in a way that had previously not understood. I was able to make that work for me on the plane. I usually hate plane rides but this one was different. I made sure to en-Joy myself all week in fact. It’s amazing how the energy changes and things just go your way when you are acting and reacting with Love. Instant joy.

Ah, but it has been a struggle. This is the second time I have come to Orlando without Erin. There are a lot of tourists here – families – and that is very hard for me. I can barely look their way, or towards anything Disney. The beach is hard as well. Hell, vacations, hotel rooms, etc. Those are things we did as a family and now, we are missing someone very much. It really dampens any attempt to feel good.

I still wonder…how do I get to Joy when I am so sad? I have let go of trying to understand it and am just doing what I am guided to do. There is nothing else that I can do. My human mind cannot control this situation, nor can it find the solution. I did FEEL this afternoon how strong the belief is in where my path will lead me. So that is progress, but the missing Erin and sadness is still very strong. I woke up one morning in a panic again, knowing she is gone. Not here. It took half a day to get over that. And I do it silently. Shaun has the same struggles, you know, so I don’t want to help him to feel worse than he already does. I feel strongly about that. He and I have different tools to deal, and I will handle mine and be available to help him handle his.

Now without the distractions, it’s hard being here in Orlando. Memories pop up out of nowhere and everywhere. So I’m ready to come home. We have an open house on Sunday. I am looking forward to selling our home and putting that part behind us. That’s another entire ball of sadness that I will try to express at a later time.

We have a long day of travel tomorrow, as our travel plans got changed somewhat. Let’s hope I can press on with the power of high vibrational, positive thinking and think my reality just like Abraham’s teachings. One day at a time.

Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

Sep 07

Musings for 9/7/2016

Ah, September we made it! Ha ha! But seriously, at least for me September feels so much different than August. Even though we are in the middle of a Mercury Retrograde, and the sun has been spewing protons and electrons at us for days, and this and that, my September has really been fabulous so far. Granted my standards for that are lowered after the last few years but hey, I’ll take what I can get!

I have known for years that how we perceive things is how we experience them. For instance, I can choose to perceive you as a jerk and allow myself to react with anger, or I can perceive you any number of other ways and choose to react differently. And I use that example because it certainly will create my reality, or what I experience next in our interaction. I think that’s a very easy example to sink our teeth into. With that said, I tried for years to really “get” that concept and it was elusive to me. Part of my problem is that I was mentally there but my emotional body had not caught up. Fast forward to Erin’s illness, and I was fraught with worry but my mind was saying things are fine. I never could be at peace emotionally, or in balance, even though I craved it.

To change your reality, your thoughts, your life, you have to use both emotion and intellect. The heart is the most powerful EM field around and it drives creation in your little world. Recently, I had an experience where I was told my house was going to show. When I hung up with my realtor, I had a complete panic attack and I felt the shock wave go out. Five minutes later she called to cancel. Yes, I did that. The potential buyers felt the shock wave of my emotion and my mind could not override that. They must work in concert.

I really have no flipping idea why I am telling you all this today. As always I did not know exactly what I would write when I decided it was time to do so. Maybe it’s because I needed to share what I am learning. Even as I began to write, I realized that my idea of the vibration of joy is actually a construct in my mind. So is my idea of peace, and even strength. During Erin’s illness I desperately wanted peace, but I can see now that it was an idyllic scene from a movie or something that I was going after. What is true peace to me? What is joy? I thought joy was pure bliss. Maybe it is, or maybe it’s just being in a state of happiness even if it doesn’t feel over the top. Right now I suspect I have achieved joy, today at least. And it does not feel over the top but it does feel good…and peaceful if you can believe that.

But oh, back to creating our reality…I have been aware of Abraham’s teachings for quite some time but only recently have I really understood them. My friend Roel posted something the other day about thinking your reality into being (it was an Abraham quote). Well, I used that, along with my heart center, when I got onto my first plane on Monday and it worked beautifully. I am afraid to fly, afraid of turbulence most of all, and yet I thought a peaceful flight with nice people to sit by into being. I allowed it to manifest on both legs of my flight and was thrilled. So far my trip has been very easy going, because I set the tone and I am living the tone (vibration).

Now I realize that I have very poorly explained this whole thing, but I find that many of the things I understand now I finally understood in a way that are beyond our language capabilities. Another reason to open your hearts. The heart always understands, no matter what it is. That is important to know.

I can feel positive changes coming up in my life which will propel me into my next adventure. I wish the same for all of you.

Peace, Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, and #missingerin and #LovingErin <3


Aug 30

Musings for 8/30/2016

Ok, so I was wrong. Tomorrow is the last day of August 🙂 And on that day I have a lunch scheduled with my mother’s 2nd husband, Jerry. For some reason he likes my company, and in the many years that have passed I have let go of my disdain and anger towards him. He is now close to 80 and has barely been loved in his lifetime. So what I can give, I give. I would do it for you too. Everyone deserves more kindness and more love.

Seems a fitting closure to a month of agony. And September is the 9th month. 9’s are endings, closure, and the like. Jerry was present when my life took at turn for the horrible around age 7, and oddly enough is present now. So that’s why I say, fitting closure. I don’t know what it means but will go with the flow to find out.

I’ve had a split personality of sorts so far today. I woke with a searing emotional agony, missing my Erin, and have flipped a few times to emotional balance and a desire to resume my studies and meditation practices.

I have to say I have been a little surprised at the intensity of my heart chakra aching…searing pain really…because I haven’t felt it in that manner for a long time. And the deep regrets have come back as well. I know in her expanded consciousness, not locked into our limited brains, she understands but regardless my soul is not going to feel clean until I can make amends. It doesn’t matter what for, only that things of many sorts are brought into my awareness on a daily basis. And each time, I think “I did not need to say that unkind thing.” or “why would I have done that to her?” Whereas most people, going about their lives, think oh, forget it. It was nothing. Blah blah. If I haven’t forgotten I can’t let myself off the hook for it. I can’t go on nonchalantly thinking my words and actions don’t matter. They matter. Yours do too.

I commented on a friend’s thread a day or so ago about her mother dying, and I said have no regrets (or something similar). Some other lady thought she would speak up and, let me just say, while I’m sure you meant well you have no idea lady. You have no idea what it is like to survive the love of your life, your child, and carry regret over things done, things undone, things said and things not said. While death is all about the patient, indeed, it is also transforming to those that continue to live. Sometimes in the most painful ways.

I had less regret over my mother. By the time that we realized what was up with her, it was too late. She had dementia and nothing I said or did would be retained. So we couldn’t talk about what went wrong in our relationship, I could say I’m sorry but it was never received by anything but perhaps her higher self or soul. And she never took the opportunity to make amends with me, for so many things. I came to terms with that though, before she died.

Everyone is different but to those who will now tell me “Oh honey, they hear you, and you can resolve this now with their spirits.” Uh uh. Oh, sure I can. I apologize to Erin every time I have a thought of an event, word, deed, etc. But folks, we are in human bodies having a physical experience. When things do not get resolved in the physical – this physical world – they are unresolved. You all know that I believe that I will see Erin in the physical, again and soon. But until that day, we have unresolved stuff. I ran out of time (that I didn’t know I was running out of) and it eats me alive. I have thought over and over if I only had 5 minutes, or 2, how do I pack it in to say what I need to say. Face to face. I’ve got an idea, as I’ve been over it many times.

One day I will shed this body and then I may discover that with love, everything is fine, resolved, done, complete. But my physical vehicle does not feel that way, now, in this physical world. A world of experiences, touch, sights, sounds, smells, and everything that is part of our realm.

As I was typing that last paragraph, I had a vision of me “cut off” from everything. In some sort of box, screaming but no one could hear or see me. And then, wouldn’t you know it, my internet connection is gone. That is a conversation for another day though. My flow is also gone.

Love to you all. Blessings, Peace, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3 <3 < 3

Aug 29

Musings for 8/29/2016

August is almost over! Yes! It is my most terrible month, symbolizing all that is horrible in my world. But you knew that already. What some of you may not know is that it used to be a favorite month, because it’s the month of my birthday. I used to celebrate ME a lot. So much so that it was out of balance and I was a somewhat shitty person (Ok, fairly shitty person). Being a Leo did not help, nor did growing up in a dysfunctional family where my mother told me all the time how superior I was to everyone else. Did me no favors. But alas, here we are present day and I see the error of my ways. Too bad many of the hardest realizations came about in my most terrible month, and are now emblazoned on my soul in the most painful way.

I am crippled in many ways. I was full-steam ahead with tarot reading, and had to go back into my cocoon which means I haven’t been reading for anyone. I want to share with others, share in a manner that serves them, but I cannot so much as reach out by telephone at this point. It will shift, yes, but the shifts take a lot of time to happen. I go through them over and over so I already know. Oh, and did I mention that my service can’t take me to a place where I may become overly emotionally involved? Yeah, that’s a problem. Even though I feel yours too, I can’t be too close to them. Mine are overwhelming as it is.

So that was the long way of saying that I end August emotionally paralyzed and crippled. No they are subtly different if you were about to ask. But some good did come out of August…

Had another life-lesson in responsibility. That one was rather personal and so I will not share it here, but, let me just say that it was understood differently this time. In order to gain personal power (regain it), you have to take full responsibility for you. I am responsible for my personal (self) power. Thus, I must exercise that responsibility or give my personal power away. It doesn’t go both ways. I realize this is convoluted…needs to be fleshed out and I will soon. I think it goes with my old article called Complete Integrity. Anyway, self-mastery has many components, but responsibility is sort of the tie that binds. The glue if you will.

That lesson was painful for me, but I have moved on. Now I’m refocused on getting my house sold. We found one nearly finished that we like and we may make a contingent offer at the end of this week. I’ve begun to wonder if Erin really wanted us to move, if there was no sense in it due to some impending catastrophe, etc. Either way, I need to break away from this energy and move to the next place. Erin will always be able to find me, no matter what. Our bond is energetic and does not require physical coordinates to be known in advance. So I would like to get on with it.

Oh, and I am beginning to learn about essential oils and have bought a starter kit via Young Living. I have always thought I would like to do that, and I had the opportunity so here I am. I hope to integrate that into my offerings soon…if I ever get back to having offerings. SMH and UGH. Someone help me to move my butt!

Ok, that’s all the rambling for now. Blessings, Peace, Namaste, Nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3 <3


Aug 24

Musings for 8/24/2016

It is so hard to keep hope alive when you see the physical world crashing all around you. In recent few weeks, I have seen more people diagnosed as “eaten up with” cancer (as we say in the south). I have seen people with heart problems which are serious. I have seen people plunged into the depths of despair and grief. And that’s just people I know or know of. Then you have the little boy in Syria who was pulled from the rubble, and today a major earthquake in Rome.

Oh, floods in Louisiana. How could I forget that? I know people personally who lost everything. That brings me full circle to the little boy in Syria, his picture emblazoned across social media and probably every major newspaper and magazine by now. They said he didn’t cry or show emotion. That’s what happens when you become numb, pummeled with so much awfulness that you no longer have tears. It’s what you do to protect yourself from completely falling apart. And it’s dangerous in a world which already lacks empathy.

But what else can that poor little boy do? His city is being bombed daily, his family and friends are dying right in front of him, and people across the world don’t want to give his people refuge either because of their religion, skin color, or good old greed (you can’t have mine mentality). He has been stripped to nothing emotionally and it is likely that he will die soon. The physical death I mean, since he is probably emotionally dead already.

This little boy represents all of us. We are all dead in one aspect or another. Did I just mention that our world lacks empathy? That’s about as dead as you can get as a person. It means you are unfeeling, to lack empathy. You can or do not feel others pain and suffering, or joy for that matter. If that is so, how could you possibly feel your own? Rhetorical question…you cannot is the answer.

Yeah, it hurts to feel your own pain, and that of others. You may not be able to do anything possible to “fix” the issue causing you or another pain. But to understand and “get it” means that you can give them the love, respect, and space that they need to heal. Or you. I bet you, who is reading this now, needs to heal something. At least one thing.

I know that the anger being lashed out from everyone upon everything these days, is nothing more than hurt being expressed in the only way a person is able to at that moment. Ah, it hurts to feel that too. It hurts the recipients, and even though the perpetrators may not feel it at the time, somewhere deep down it hurts them too. Yes, words hurt. Please remember that next time you name call, label, exclude someone, etc. It hurts. Please, stop it.

I did not know what I was going to write today but I love how it flowed out. Please, give love and receive it today. If you can’t give it, at least try to receive it. Receive the smile a stranger throws your way, or the thank you that someone meekly says, barely audible, as you  do something nice for them. Take it all the way down into your heart and feel it. It may change your life.

Special love and hugs today to A.D. and D.D. #MissingArcher and #LovingArcher

Hugs, Love, Blessings, Namaste, Nutsmaste, and I am so terribly #missingerin and #LovingErin

Aug 23

Musings for 8/23/2016

I have spent the last several days sick, and tired. I say that in amusement but seriously, so tired that I can hardly function. And of course I started feeling better by Saturday and then promptly kept plans to celebrate birthdays that evening, stayed out too late, and felt bad again on Sunday. I am still fatigued. Thankfully I go back to see the NMD on tomorrow.

So, I may not write when I feel that poorly but I still feel and think, and I went to sleep last night thinking about labels. You know, those things we use in language to divide ourselves from another person or group? To describe ourselves? Really though, how limiting is that! I realized as I was thinking about this that I cannot describe myself using labels of any sort, at least not without qualifiers. I see the world in very complex shades of gray. I don’t take anything at face value and I also don’t stereotype people. I find it very distasteful these days to see the polarizing labels people use. Democrat and Republican, liberal or conservative, black or white, etc. the list goes on. Actually, distasteful doesn’t quite cover it because usually when people use labels such as those, they are using them as an insult. As an “other” – as a “not me because my ideas are better.” I am pretty sure, though, that they don’t realize the impact of what they are throwing out there to the world when they do.

Based on what I see out there, I suppose that since I believe I should be kind and giving to others that I am a liberal. But what does that even mean? I really don’t know. I believe WE should be kind, loving, accepting, and giving to others. Be of service, not to get anything but just because. I could write you a several page essay on my views on that. Like I said – complex shades of gray. And keep in mind that my gray may not be the same shade as the dude sitting next to me who may have been lumped in with me. It’s just not that simple if you take a moment to really think about things.

We have a really troubling mentality in the world today. To get a little metaphysical on you, I learned a long time ago that Earth was supposedly an experiment in polarity. Well, I’d say we are as polarity driven as we are going to get. It’s us vs them all the time, in every thing and every idea. Hey universe – we mastered it! Now can we have some unity please? Thank you.

And actually, the entire polarity and unity things are complex as well. Are we talking about 3D unity? Or something on a higher scale? Because in the 3D you have polarized love and hate. And people don’t even understand love. Everyone thinks it’s romantic, and conditional. You act nicely and I will love you. Unconditional love by it’s very divinity breeds unity. Yes, I said divinity. It’s the Christ consciousness, that stuff Jesus the Christ was talking about 2000 years ago when he was here way before his time. He planted the seed and it’s just now growing, albeit much too slow for my taste. I guess we earthlings are very stubborn.

Other than that troubling me, obviously I had a hard week last week. Two years without the love of my life is more than any one should bear. So I have ups and downs and pick myself up and keep on going. whatever your trouble I hope you are able to do the same, in love and kindness.

Blessings, namaste, nutsmaste, #missingerin and #LovingErin <3

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